Monday, August 05, 2013

Spam-a-Loading: Education Ranting

Second post of the day. It's said that when you start doing something new you would actually do it very often, that is, until you eventually get tired of it one day and stop altogether. This blogging thing might apply, I predict. Maybe one day there'd be people out there that would actually read all my posts and rants about my life? Who knows?

I really want to put my homework aside and just start reading my novels again, really. But there you have it, one week of holidays packed with homework enough for two weeks. Not that I mind much though. At least there's something for my mind to do. Maybe I'll try do some sudoku later? Better do more stuff with my free time before I lose them to my future degree program and jobs.

I don't know what you think, but for me, living is sort of tiring somewhat. I mean, we were born to learn things, then go to school and get education - about 1/3 of our lives if I really am pursuing psychiatry - and then, it's dedicating your life to a job and a family. It's like a non-stop list of chores to be done and when you finally retire at maybe the age of 55 - 60, you're too old to enjoy the hectic activities you would have enjoyed back in your younger days.

Don't mind me, I know that if adults are to read this they would scoff at this post, calling me childish and all that. I'm barely even 18 yet after all, who am I to judge life? xD but yeah. A rant is a rant.

Approaching the age of 18 means that I am going to be one of those girls who drools over guys - something I already am doing - or building a strong foundation for my future. It's kind of depressing though, since I don't quite know what to do after this pre-university program. I have a stable academic record expected of an Asian, with mostly A's and A+'s, but what's the use if I don't know what to do with them?

I had my eyes set on the Graphic Designing program since I was about 15. My parents wanted me to take up science subjects when I was 16 and 17, just so that I can have a wider range of choices when it comes to selecting a degree program. I told my parents then, that I would do what they said but that's where it ends. When I'm done with secondary school in 2012, I told them I wanted to take up a Diploma in Graphic Design. But guess what, that promise thing came up again, and here I am in 2013 completing my Pre-University program with a combination of science subjects yet again - Biology, Chemistry, Add Maths and English.

If there's one thing I noticed so far in my studies, I do not really like Chemistry. or Physics (discovered in year 2012). Biology, however, has always been my favourite subject. I suppose then, that I would have no problem maintaining my interest in Biology when it's time for me to pursue study in medicine.

Alright, back to where I was about the pre-u program. My dad had told me that he'd seen many people who studies Graphic Design that comes out of the university with no job and no money. He told me that people with high academic achievements like me should be pursuing something greater than just designing - which was what those who were not so good academically would pursue.

I told him, "You said that most people who got a Diploma in Graphic Design are from those... those 'not-so-smart' category. And they achieved nothing. Look at my results then. With my interest and my academic potential, don't you think that I might be able to achieve something better than the others did?"

That silenced him as he considered that possibility.

He then gave me the freedom to choose my own course. But by then, I was already in this pre-university program which would only end by November 2013. I started this course in January 2013, even before the results of finals in secondary school were out, to get a head start. Now that I have my own options, I could be taking a degree in designing next year, or pursuing psychiatry which this course would also allow.

Why am I putting aside my passion for designing? You see, I was not exposed to this subject, not the least bit. While my other friends who were also good in designing started their studies on this subject since they were 16, I studied science. While the same friends are now studying diploma in (something) design, I am still studying science. What if I DON'T have the basic knowledge and skills for designing after all? Liking something doesn't exactly mean that you have the skills for it. Just because someone likes to sing, it doesn't mean that they are going to be a singer. No, it's not that easy.

My parents believed that I am a smart person. As the eldest in the family, I am expected to be the role model for my siblings. My results were only average if compared to the other smart students there in my class, but well, my parents have their own expectations of me. My mum, especially, she hoped that she would see me in the newspapers again for my academic results just like how it happened for my SPM (form 5 finals - the ultimate output from secondary school) results - for which I got 8A+ and 1A. Well, that single A came from Chemistry. =P

I am not a smart person, not really. I had to work super hard to achieve what I did, and it's all more to hard work, honest. Being in college now and not so much disciplining from either parents, I foresee my results declining if I don't learn to discipline myself this year.

Thus my doubts for studying psychiatry. If I am to be a psychiatrist, I would need to pursue a study in medic for 5 years from next year before specializing in clinical psychiatry. that would take maybe another 4 to 5 years. Following that, it would be 4 years of practicals before I can open my own psychiatry ward or wherever I decide to work by then.

There's the time and money needed to pursue this.
Then, there's the academic achievements I need to fulfill.

I don't know if I can do it.

...
I don't know what I really want.

Can I hope that someone with the same dilemma can provide me with what you guys decide to do in the end? Like, what is it that confirms the choices you made?

I hereby end my rants.

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