Saturday, February 15, 2014

Don't Feel!

Oh God Oh God Oh God what the hell was I thinking/ doing yesterday all those emotions oh god why

You see. Yesterday I was really upset. So upset that I cried to my friend at 1.30 a.m. through the phone and was THIS close to making rash decisions.

Imagine waking up with le first thought:
OhGodWhy
Let's just say that yesterday I was at mai limit, emotionally. Kept all the sadness and anger in for quite some time and finally the pot boiled over and Boom. 

PMS-ing dinosaur firing cannon of tears at her hoomans. *facepalms out of shame*

I think what really triggered this emotion crap was when I texted le minion asking if he could join me at le mall and he told me that he couldn't make it. Maybe I was hoping he'd come over. Maybe I was actually wanting to celebrate this stupid Valentine's thing with him even though I told myself I don't give a shoot. Probably a part of me was jealous of his friends. ... Well yes I was. Ahah. But that was silly. And after a moment - 4 hours to be exact - I regained mai rational self and it was all fine again.

Too bad tho cause by the time I was 'all fine again' I already fired a spamload of emotional messages in his inbox *digs hole in ground and buries self alive in it*

What emotional creature was it that took over me yesterday damn it.

I also managed to show all 570 Facebook friends of mine how emotional I was by posting stupid statuses because I felt like it.

I could relate to this picture last night with
all dat emotions.
Reminder to self: Never go near Facebook when you're upset. You'll post stupid stuff that you'll regret over later.

Deleted those posts this morning, but not before they already got like 10+ likes. *shudders* To you guys who read le statuses, pretend it didn't happen.

In fact, to everyone who was involved in my emotional crap last night, erase those memories.

So around 1 a.m. when everyone else in le family was asleep I got up, took my phone, and right at this time a  close friend, MW, saw one of my crappy statuses and asked me about it.

Cue 50 minutes of talk about le relationship and doubts and sadness and studies and even her lecturers and maybe 10 minutes of tears. She knows me well enough, and supports me a lot whenever I need a shoulder to lean on. And she happens to sleep just as late - maybe even later - as I do, so it works. 

More OhGodWhy's
Sorry for taking up so much of your time when your boyfriend is there with you!! OMO"" But thanks nevertheless. I felt really better after le phone call.

After the phone call, I was really determined and set on a decision involving le minion. A bad decision. Fortunately he was not quite free at the moment when I was about to tell him my decision. 

Got a little sleep between 2 to 3a.m.++ and then he was free and I managed to call him and interrogate him (not quite???) in my half-asleep mode. DO YOU STILL CARE. ARE YOU STILL MAI BF. DUDE YOU NO CARE ABOUT ME LIAO I VERY SAD.  Y U NO SPARE TIME FOR MOI. Imagine being bombarded with questions like these at 3 friggin a.m. 

He got la patience to explain and answer my questions. =P Kudos to that. Half an hour of weird shit emotional talk that I wasn't normally capable of. 

Sorry bae D:
"Don't cry for me. It's not worth it.", he said, when I was so close to start crying all over again. "I'm not as good as you think." At least I didn't embarrass myself even further by sobbing out loud to him.

He asked me what I wanted for a belated Valentine's Day celebration. I really had nothing in mind. and if anything, it's really just to spend time with him. That's all. He said that I would usually tell him "I don't know" when we go out to questions like "Where do you wanna go? What do you wanna eat?" and that I was expecting him to make all the decisions. I did not deny, because that was the truth. Every hangout with friends I have never been the one to make decisions. I'd just arrive there and ask le others what they want instead. 
MAI LOVE FOR YOU BAYBEH

I guess I was just used to that. My replies to decision-making questions are usually "I don't know" or "Never mind" or "Up to you.". Something to change. =)

In short we knew our problems by le end of le call around 4a.m..

There were long pauses in le conversation - I fell asleep halfway through and he suddenly talked and thus woke me up - and ... admittedly I am not good in talks like these. I can't quite tell him what I have in mind. But I got le message across, and it was all fine.

oh and I managed to try play with a wig
last night AHAHAHA
THIS LOOK I SWEAR XDD
All le events led up to me feeling ashamed of myself right now and posting about it as a solemn reminder to myself to never repeat this mistake of getting all emotional and regretting it the morning after. 

If there is anything that made it somehow better, well, all le bottled up stress and sadness are gone after crying last night and I feel so light I CAN FLYYYYYY 8)

Thank you, all le awesome hoomans I know who were involved last night.

And to end le post, I beg you guys.

FORGET ALL THAT.

PRETEND IT DID NOT HAPPEN.

HAVE A GOOD DAY.

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