Friday, May 30, 2014

Guilt

There's some stuff that I did during the past relationship and I couldn't get them off my mind because the longer I dwell in it the more wrong it seems to be and there's so many people I feel like I needed to apologize to.

First, to C.H. You're like a sister to me. I pulled you out of your relationship with him because he was being a nutcase to you. I went through it all with you. You were sad and I was there to try make you feel better, although when it's all done with and you're finally over him, it's much easier to deal with you. =P

The thing is. The relationship was wrong because you were my 'sister'. Back then, you told me that it's alright when I told you that I have an infatuation for your ex just about two months or so after you broke up with him. And I was stupid to believe you. 

It never should have started at all, I'm so sorry. 

Then, to my friends who knew about that relationship and also about C.H.'s relationship with him. I'm really grateful because you people were truly there for me. When the relationship started going wrong I sought for you guys, looking for kind words at times and harsh reality the other.

You guys were there. And you people listened to me. Scolded me, even. Telling me how irrational and stubborn I was to trust him. Telling me that it's just his way when it started going wrong. And I never really listened, because I still believed in him. How many times were you guys annoyed by my messages at odd hours of the day? I'm really sorry.

Also, there's his classmates. I never really knew you guys, you're all from a different intake and I never bothered knowing you because I... thought of you as my enemy. I was jealous that he gives more attention to you people compared to me and so I judged you. Something I rarely ever do.

Maybe you guys are actually nice, although terribly noisy, I'm afraid. I might have indirectly thrown insults and angry words at you people when I don't even know you. And for that, I'm sorry too. 

Lastly it's to that guy himself. We don't talk anymore, but I want to tell you all the same for the times I was being irrational and stupidly selfish. I hope you will do well. 

That's all for now =)

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