Who I Used to Be

A Facebook friend of mine posted this question, asking us who we used to be in the past. I did not answer in the comment section there, as I was suddenly wondering that myself.

Ever wondered how you've changed and
who you will be in the future?

Who was I in the past, and how am I any different now from the person I used to be? Or, really, did I change at all? A trait that I'm sure stuck with me though, is that I have always loved reading and drawing and probably always will. 

Back when I was still in primary school I dreamt of becoming a doctor, a teacher, and then a comic artist. I started to draw my own comics (usually only 20 to 40 pages) on unused papers around the age of 11 right till when I was 13 or so when I can no longer finish a comic that I started. Most of the comics I made are now sort of childish to me, but hey, back then when I drew them they were hot items among my friends who loved reading the stories I made up.

I then moved on to story-writing instead, putting the stories into words instead of pictures. For one that loves reading, I was motivated to write as good as the authors can, and am still trying to improve myself in English proficiency through blogging and all.

There was a phase where most of the other kids that age might have experienced.

Ever heard of the 'emo phase'? I entered that phase when I was about 12 or 13. Started cutting myself, liking the pain and the taste of blood that would linger in my mouth for some time after licking those wounds. Admitting it now, I may have just done so to get attention from my peers. But there was a small part of me that really felt relief upon cutting myself, to get rid of whatever inner turmoils I faced at that age. Once you start cutting yourself it becomes something like an obsession, a habit that you find hard to stop. I cut myself with a pair of scissors, along the lengths of my arm. But only small scratches, really. 5 or 6 lines at one time maybe, and sometimes there will be blood, sometimes none. Thankfully what I did to myself was totally a minor case compared to what the others are doing to themselves.

Anger management much?
Even now I still hurt myself sometimes, but not using sharp items anymore. When agitated or upset I might scratch myself really hard with my nails - sometimes till it becomes an injury which needs a week or so to completely heal - or pull at my hair or just punch the wall. But I'll only resort to doing these when I have no one to rant to or when I am unable to scream into a pillow. 

Other than being that 'odd emo girl in class', another word, 'solitary' or more bluntly, 'anti-social' or 'shy' or just 'quiet' might fit into my past descriptions of myself.

Look into the classroom and I'd usually be that person sitting next to the window looking outside or reading or drawing at my table, not talking much to anyone else unless someone talks to me first. However I actually found my own group of friends afterwards who shared a common interest: Manga and anime. That's how I got to know my first bunch of best friends back in Melaka. While the other girls were talking about the latest leggings or catalog selling awesome necklaces and shoes, we'd sit at a table talking about our non-existent anime boyfriends and singing Japanese songs that I doubt any of us knew the meaning of. But those were the days, and to this day I actually still remember the lyrics to some of the songs, only that this time, I know the meanings of some parts of the lyrics. =P

I may have become slightly more sociable now, having known an awesome group of people at college. Slightly, I say, because I may be very sociable one day and talk to everyone I know and then the very next day when I head to college again I would be all quiet and sitting by myself once more until I eel sociable enough to start talking to other humans.

Minion's still trying to make me less of an introvert though, or so he says. Oh, if he starts study early, in February next year, we wouldn't be able to meet till August when I finally get to start studying again. that means like 6 months not seeing each other. He hasn't had a distance-ish relationship before, so I am a little worried for him. .___. It's not nice not being able to meet someone that you love for that long, you know. We made a deal to get ourselves a set of rings before we part ways for the next few months should the worst really happen after all. I cross my fingers. 

Internet, you understand me.
That aside though, I can only conclude that I have not changed much really. But my attachment to the internet and Facebook sure grew quite some!

Uh, at least I'm not an alcoholic, taking drugs, smoking, frequent customer of a night club (never been to a pub or a club before), nor keep changing my phones (Been using same phone for the 3rd year now and it's still good) and ask to buy those really awesome stuff that I really want aye?  Attachment to the internet is still better than attachment to cigarettes and drugs afterall :3 Ehehe excuses excuses. Ahem.

Back to work. 

Nicki Sim

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