Apologizing

the daily prompt is boring today D: Skipping it. 

Yesterday, my minion got upset at me because I said something wrong. When people get upset, I usually just say sorry and try talk them through, and ignore them for a bit letting time heal them. But since he's not quite replying, I can only try the latter option for now. I was never good in apologizing. I will say sorry, and tell them what I did wrong to let them know that yes, I know my mistake. I'll try not to repeat that mistake. 

It's really stressful when you don't know what to do to make someone's day better.

I'd say that I'm okay but inside I'm afraid. I feel an emptiness inside me, something heavy yet unreachable. This feeling would bug me for several days; the guilt, the sadness, the ... What feeling is this anyway? It's as if I have resigned to my fate over something. It's as if I believe that it's alright even if this idiot of mine stopped liking me. 

It's the feeling of "It's alright. It will be alright. I have never been a good girl anyway. I deserved this. Let him ignore me so I will learn what I should have."

I am the type of girl who would rarely complain or start an argument with anyone at all. Even with my ex, I may have felt sad or lonely, or maybe upset at him, but I'll let him think that I am okay, just so that he stops worrying over me and that he would not get pulled into my emotional turmoils as well.

Minion is really a good guy, he really is. I just don't know what to do. What CAN I do, when we don't get to meet? Messages are pointless when you know that your actions would be louder than words. I would not be able to express myself through words when it comes to apologizing, but rather, with my actions it's easier to show him that I really am sorry. I would ask him to forgive me.

I want him to know that despite my wrong words and actions, I really do love him. I may not express myself well, with my nervousness and all, but when I am able to take actions, I would make sure that he knows I love him. I tried calling him last night, tell him I'm sorry. He did not answer my calls.

I must have messed up pretty badly.

I don't think you will, but if you are reading this, Cavan, do know that I realized I am not a good girlfriend to you. Whereas you treated me with kindness and pleasantries, I was only able to stay constant and never stepped out of my comfort zone when communicating with you. I was too scared to ever treat you like a proper girlfriend. I did not measure up to your expectations. For this, I am really sorry. I still have a lot to learn, and I hope that you will cope with me meanwhile.

It's so unfair that such a good guy like you gets a lousy girlfriend. I won't promise that I will never make you angry again, because that would be a false promise. But that I'm sorry and I repent over my mistakes and will keep trying not to repeat that mistake, it's a genuine apology and promise. I'm sorry that I've hurt you, babe.

I'm sorry.

Nicki Sim

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