Solitario

You took your phone out of your pocket, bored of observing the strangers around you and pretending to read when nothing could enter your mind at all.

You opened Facebook - or Instagram - whichever you prefer, and you scrolled past a photo of someone that once made your heart beat so fast - maybe still do - and you scrolled back upwards; looked at how happy that person appeared.

Said person is smiling radiantly, a smile that made butterflies flutter in your stomach. He/she appeared to be with his/her new ... friend? partner?

You closed the application and simply held the phone in your hand, memories rushing back to you. How long has it been since the last time you talked to him/ her? Is he/she doing well? It appears so.

You feel some relief over that, happy that he/she has moved on well enough.

Then sadness.

Sad that you haven't fully moved on, that he/she still is the occupant of your mind. You succeeded in forgetting some details.

The date you first met, what he/she first said to you, how going out with that person was like, the scent that he/she carried that made you want to bury yourself in his/her embrace.

Hush.

Hush, brain. Shut up. You reminded yourself not to bring up any old memories so that you'll forget them faster.

It's not like you haven't fall for anyone else - you did. He/she is a very nice person, fun to be with and whenever you two hang out together, you forget about the memories at the back of your mind. It feels good, for a while.

But it's not right.

You were probably just mistaking loneliness for love. Someone to turn to for attention and care. You weren't ready for a new relationship. You would mess up again if you fall for someone new. So you locked your heart up.

Better not to get anyone hurt.

It's just loneliness anyway.

So stop.

You jolted yourself out of your little mind monologue and looked around. It's getting late, you should go home, get a nice hot shower and relax your mind with some tea or coffee.

Stop those thoughts from keeping you prisoner in your own conflicted emotions.

la soledad es mejor.

Nicki Sim

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