Monday, September 30, 2013

Back to Routine

Monday blues, oh so blue. The feeling of getting back to studies after two awesome days of just fooling around (not really, it’s more to just sitting in front of my laptop playing games and 9gagging etc) cannot be defined by the mere word ‘miserable’.

Last night, I vowed to sleep early, as in like, sleep around 10pm latest.

What I ended up doing was browsing through the family photos stored inside this laptop of mine for maybe one hour or more before selecting 49 of them to be uploaded to Facebook. Most of these pictures showed me as a short-haired girl.

Short-haired, as in mimicking a guy’s hair cut but not that extreme.

Seeing those photos made me reconsider cutting my hair short once more. After all, I only kept my hair long because of my ex’s request. Speaking of my ex, he just told me a few days ago that he hated me. What did he really mean though, I do wonder. I mean, the thing between us was over more than a year and 3 months ago. I hated him about 1 week after the relationship ended and continued hating for maybe 4 or 5 months or even half a year maybe, and it’s only NOW, now that I would call him from time to time when bored that he suddenly tells me he hates me.

What the fuck is really wrong with him, I do wonder.

Putting him aside, there's literally one month left before the finals commence. I do wish that I would study after this. Right now as I am typing this, my Tetris Battle game is loading, and sitting next to me are Ryana, Jia Ying and Cindy, all four of us going to play Tetris Battle in the ICT lab.

The hostel fees are to be paid tomorrow. There's lots of Chemistry studies to do. I want to draw. I want to finish reading my novels. There's only so much a person can do at any one time. I really want to study now. I really wish I have the willpower and determination to complete whatever revisions I have to do within this one month to maintain my excellent studies record.

Wish me luck, dear readers.

It sure seems as if Tatoru Yuki is running out of stuff to rant on, isn't she?

Let us dwell on stalkers for today. Stalkers. I don't know about others but mine is not really stalking to start with. All that I really do is to watch out for his presence and listen to his voice whenever I can, and see how NW and him are going. I sometimes find where his classes would be held, and 'coincidentally walks past the class' to see how he and NW studies.

I am not exactly sure but he doesn't seem to be studying much. Or at least, his posture doesn't make it seem as it he's studying. Yet from what I heard he's good in his studies.

It's this category of people that I am jealous of. I study so damn hard to GET WORSE RESULTS THAN THOSE WHO DID NOT STUDY. much.

Stalkerism though. I wish that stalking someone would be able to provide me with the info and knowledge that the stalked person has.

NW though. Previously I thought that it's her natural look to look as if she's frowning and all, but now I'm not so sure. It seems as if her hatred is directed at me alright. I do not blame her. After all, I have been stalking her dude for like maybe a few months. Not sure if she knows, but well.

Tetris Battle is loading really slowly.

uhm. Yeah, I have nothing much to rant about.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Saya no Uta

*Starts the daily post with a potato gif.* So I have been playing - or rather, reading - Saya no Uta, a visual novel game from Japan the for maybe one hour or two last night and another two hours today. This is a really good game, (novel, really) based on horror and a bit of umm... 18+ stuff. try googling it, you might be able to find the download link somewhere. The file size is about 480++MB, for the full game.
The story starts of with the main character, Fuminori, describing his hell-like life whereby the people around him are all a big mess of guts and intestine and such. All bloody and slimy. 
Imagine waking up in the hospital to see your bed like this.
Those slimy gut-like stuff? They are his friends. He woke up after a car accident that involved the lives of both his parents and a neurological disorder caused him to see the surroundings and the people around him to look like monsters. Soon the disorder affects not only his sights but also his hearing - he hears the voices as gurgles, incoherent voices. The smell? Everything stinks and feels just like how they appear to be. 

Such was his disorder. However, there's this girl, Saya, who he was able to see as a normal person. 
Let's just say that this girl was the one that left him to remain sane. Otherwise, he would have gone insane or commit suicide because of his inability to see things the way there were. Not even his home could provide him comfort, everything was just distorted. 

The city, according to his sights.
Fuminori knew why he saw things that way - he was a medical student, but knowing it alone does not help him to cure him of that disorder.

I had fun with all the gore and epic storyline in this visual novel. There are two scenes where you have to make a choices and there's 4 different endings in total. If you like gore and horror with a bit of hentai, this game is for you. 

I fell for this game, hard. 

Saturday, September 28, 2013

RPG games Anyone??

So recently I have started to play RPG games once more.

Said RPG games are produced form this RPG maker program, and the one that I know of is actually this thing called RPG Maker VX something something.

The thing about these games though is that you have to download some RTP software thing to start playing. The games that I do play is more to the horror side however, I don't seem to have much interest in anything related to adventure - novels, games and so forth. 

Let me just share a few horror RP games with you guys. These can actually be downloaded from this site:

I personally would recommend 'The Witch House', 'The Crooked Man', 'Misao', 'Mermaid Swamp' and 'Hello'.

If you want to prepare yourself for the scarier games, I would recommend that you start with Misao. 

Clock of Atonement
Or, as an alternative, why not start with 'Clock of Atonement'? It's a very short game and is not horror-related but have a nice storyline anyway.

If you do like horrors and jumpscares however, go straight to the games provided under the horror section in vgperson website. 

You would love them to bits.

You can play them offline and if you play it with your head phones on, just be prepared at all times to be shocked by the sudden noises and such.

Like seriously, cause I actually had my heart beating real fast while playing the witch house alone at night.

Enjoy your games, people.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Fatter, apparently

So my sister just commented how I became fatter after the one-week holidays.

I don't really get it. I mean, all I did the whole time while studying for my trials is to study, take exams, study till late night, take coffee as supplement, and poof.

I myself saw the extra fats that I've gained within 4 days. My oh my, metabolism is a scary thing isn't it?

I'm here today to think about the lifestyle I led during the 4 short-but-hectic days of examinations.

The weekend before the exams, I half-heartedly browsed through the chemistry notes I owned and read through the English novel 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Hosseini about to be tested for our Engish papers. I did not manage to finish read the whole novel even by Monday morning when the exam was about to start. One does not simply finish a 400 pages novel within one day if procrastination occurs.

That Sunday, I studied till about 1.30a.m. and I drank coffee the morning before the exam begins.

Once I was done with the English papers, I set myself to prepare for the test on Wednesday - Chemistry and Mathematics. I had no papers on Tuesday. Chemistry and Mathematics happened to be my two weakest subjects out of the four I was tested. As you can probably guess, I procrastinated. I finished reading the chemistry notes on that Monday and spent most of my day trying to do the Chemistry calculation questions on Tuesday.

Both days, I slept around 1 or 2 a.m. as well. Coffee was essential then.

By Tuesday night I was completely stressed out when I realized that I had a lot of trouble with Chemistry calculation questions and that I was not able to answer my friends' questions for Maths either. I did not do any revision for Maths.

Zero. No revisions.

So of course, I think I screwed up my Chemistry papers and pass with poor marks for Maths.

English and Biology was fine though.

The finals are on the 28th of October. From then right till the 8th of November. My birthday, a date in between, would not be celebrated. *cries*

Thursday, September 26, 2013



Look. I can draw normal stuff too k.
That’s literally the first thing I must say to my blogreaders before I proceed with my daily rantings once more.

a fanart for the silent hill movie OMO
So far, after having the exams for allfour subjects – English, Chemistry, Maths and Biology, I see a very high chance in failing my Chemistry papers (What that came out in the exams were way out of my expectations, and I was not good in chemistry calculation questions to start with. The best case scenario – luck and all that other shit included, I mght get 73%. Worst case scenario, I get maybe around 56%. That’s kind of worrying really, and what I intend to do is to relax the whole day and maybe the weekends as well before continuing with my efforts to study.

I can only hope that I keep to my words about this. If procrastination is a subject I’d probably ace it. That’s how bad my procrastination habits are. *sighs*

Maths though, let’s just say I might as well have left two questions (worth 17 marks altogether) blank. I had no idea what I was doing when facing the questions about tree diagrams and this variance thing which I forgot how to apply the formula.

English and Biology? I’m glad to say that I believe I have studied enough for these shitz and I would probably at least get a Distinction for it if not High Distinction.
Something I drew for the Witch House game

My current dilemma is whether I should log off this computer and go eat (I had only two pieces of biscuits as breakfast and I’m just as hungry as my friend sitting beside me now), or to go back to hostel to sleep or to just start playing games now.

I need sleep. I also need food and games and entertainment.

You can’t do all three things at once.

Good thing however is that my friend has just agreed with me to go eat later and then come back to this heavenly computer place to play Tetris Battle or something.

Sounds like a plan.

Shall I just pause my post here for now and go get some food?

I believe so. I might add more stuff in this post if I do not end up sleeping after this.

See ya, fellowz.

Meow. Imma just spend the day just drawing now xDD

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Anamanaguchi Aww Yiss

I currently have a little time on my hands before I continue with my Chemistry revisions.

It's tiring, all this studying for the trials, I tell you. What that happened between the time of my last post and this one included a family trip to Penggerang, Johor and a scholarship awards ceremony that happened just yesterday.

This scholarship award thing. From my course and intake, there's only - if I'm not mistaken - 9 students who received this entrance scholarship. 1 was on crutches, he declined to come to this ceremony. The other one, he left once the ceremony was over so I was not able to get him into the picture.

And yes, I was the only girl from our course and intake. But our class has always had more guys than girls to start with. That's about it really.

Let me take this opportunity to tell my course mates - it's pretty unlikely that they would see this post or know about the existence of my blog to start with, but still - that I love all of youse. 

It's been fun, getting to know you guys. This one whole year spent stressing out over assignments, wondering who has a crush on you and vice versa, rushing last minute for the topic tests and so on, all these memories would stay in my heart forever. You guys are all awesome. Thanks for being my friends. <3

Today, I spammed my phone and ears with Anamanaguchi's tracks from the album 'Endless Fantasy'.

The first time I heard about this Anamanaguchi band is perhaps three whole months ago on Tumblr when someone shared their song titled 'Prom Night'.

I heard it for the first time, and I fell for the beats and the music itself as a whole. The whole track really, the voice, the whatevers - I have no background knowledge of the names of elements in a song.

Then I started listening to this track more and more, and I'd even play it in loops and somehow, I have not grown tired of this song yet.

While I might skip some songs randomly played in my phone playlist, this one I have never skipped.

Just about 15 minutes ago I downloaded all the 22 songs from this album on YouTube and had them transferred to my phone. 22 songs from Anamanaguchi that I would listen to when I study or feel sleepy. I wish I have brought my head phones back home, I left it in the hostel. =( Now I have to songs downloaded but no ear phones to spoil my ears with.

Either way, if you like song remix or techno stuff, I believe that you would love this band as well. 8D You can thank me later.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Blogging - Approx 2-weeks hiatus

Just a short post here, notifying my blog readers that I shall not be active on this blog until maybe the 28th or 29th of September as I shall be facing the trials for my course starting from the 23rd. Barely one week left and I have not done sufficient revisions.

I'm going to miss your guys a lot and with any chances, I might be able to post some simple stuff within these few days - no pictures, I will only have time to upload whatever I typed into Microsoft Word.

So till then, see you. =)

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Abstinence or Ignorance?

Boy I sure was emotional last night. *laughs*

Drew this on my hand maybe a few
consecutive days for one whole week
or more OMO"
Thankfully I am now back to my normal self, and believe it or not the sadness and all is now over. Just over like that. It's as if I had my share of sadness and amidst my upset feelings and the sea of memories - river, maybe - I have put him into the back of my mind.

Perhaps it's just the way my mind works, you know. Get totally upset the day something happened, then complete ignorance and the memory deletion process begins. Maybe some time after that, the upset feeling starts up for a while more and after that, it's gone forever. No more whatever feely feelings for something or someone.

Speaking of ignorance and abstinence though...

I sure am ignoring my homework.

Empty seats occupied by bags everywhere
I'll probably edit this post later on and add more stuff. Maybe not. Eitherway, here's a shoutout to the others at the college who lets their bags occupy the empty seats during lunch hour and goes out of campus. Why not leave the seats empty if you are not going to occupy the seats so that others who actually have to use it can do so? 

Parents Day was held yesterday, and I received quite an amount of positive feedback. The negative part was that I was usually quiet in class, and talk to people only when they talk to me first.

This already is an improvement compared to when I was still in Semester 1 and ignored people though =P

NW, she inboxed me and told me that the relationship had went on since right after the 'summer exams'. Living in Malaysia I have to say, I wonder which exam is that when we have summer all year long. sort of. Would have been nice if they have told me instead of having me look like a fool liking someone who's already owned though. 

Friday, September 13, 2013

520 - Falling Out of Love

My blog reached 520 views when I opened my blogger just minutes ago today, 13th September 2013.

520 sort of represents "I Love You" in Chinese.

It is also today that I fell out of love, might I add - Finally.

KT and NW are now officially a couple. Last year they might have failed to get each other although they had feelings for each other but today, I congratulate them as they form a new relationship.

It hurts, of course. But I like seeing them together as well. I had been wishing for them to be together, happily, the night I was supposed to see meteors in the sky. I sat there at the window of my room in the dorm and whispered the wishes of mine to the wind, hoping that the wish would come true.

It did. And somehow it hurt more than I expected it to.

It feels like something was smothering me, like there's cotton all around my heart, squeezing it, grasping it. 

I posted a status on FB last night at my cousin's wedding. It was related to KT. NW commented on it today, barely two hours ago: "Accept the given but don't take the taken". I thought that they were together maybe one or two weeks ago, but I guess they only made it official today?

Where I edited this picture, "NW & KT" is written.
NW posted this on FB with the caption: "the boyfriend"

Oh God. It hurts. It really does. What I said, what I said that I love him only as a brother, it could have all been me just lying to myself, trying to convince myself. It hurts so bad.

How do I even compare with NW even if KT gives me a chance. She's pretty, funny, nice, smart, has known him longer than I did, and God knows how many more comparisons I can make when I don't even know NW and KT that much to start with.

I wanted to cry when I knew about it. My heart was hurting, I had to bite my lips to prevent myself from ... from what? I have no idea. I wanted to cry, loudly, just so that my heart would understand that I never had a chance with him to begin with. Hoping that my rational self would accept the fact that I shall have to put KT in my history as well.

No more stalking him and smiling when I know he's near, when I hear his voice and feel all warm inside, when I think of him and how he looks when he smiles. How he likes to hang out with his friends for some time before leaving - the last, for the class. He observes people. He has friends that would gladly go with him for lunch. He wanted to have a big mansion with rooms for his pets. He has the tendency to feed others when eating. He plays games a lot, Dota 2, more like. He somehow likes to sit at the last row in the class and during a 5-minutes break he's more likely to stay inside the class talking to his friends than going out. He can wear two shirts on alternative days for one whole week. He has rope at the front pocket of his schoolbag. His Twitter account is more active than his Facebook. He has a scar on his chin when he fell down quite some years ago. He can write with both hands. He speaks awkward Chinese. He's not that close with his family members. He drives his little brother to tuition every week - used to be Wednesdays but it seems that it has switched to Thursdays now, I don't know. He likes long-haired girls. His first paying job was as a tuition teacher - he's good at probability questions, he's good at card games and gambling games. He's really a caring person.

Stuff he said to me. His voice, it is still fresh in my memories.

"Why did you say NW and I have an angsty relationship?"
"A master is supposed to take care of his pet"
"Cup noodles are not good for your health"
"She said she saw you but didn't mean to scare you. She won't bite."
"I'll see you later then"
"That. was worth it. That was worth everything"
"Take it as your reward"
"I can give you attention, but not affection"

He's all I ever wanted.

No more. No more.

With less than 2 months remaining for my college life, I shall lie low - try to be out of KT and NW's sight. Maybe when I graduate I would delete all the remaining memories I have of them. Facebook contact, phone number, Inbox messages, so on and so forth.

He gave me chocolate for achieving something. He bought me a book.

There's so little memories between us, so it should be easy to forget him.

What's so special about him that I can't forget him like how I forget my previous crushes? Why can't I just ... pretend he doesn't matter and let the feelings pass? It's been maybe 3 months since I was rejected when I confessed to him. 3 months. Shouldn't it be enough time for one to let go of a relationship that did not even exist to start with?

He was sick. He was coughing and complaining of the cold yesterday while he was teaching my friends Maths.

Take care, KT. Take care, NW. I ship you guys. Hard.

I don't even know if this is possible but when I get rid of my feelings for KT I shall ship you guys even harder. Stay together and be happy, alright?

I know I wouldn't even need to be concerned. You guys would be just fine. I know.

To NW, if you ever see this post...

I'm so sorry for all the trouble I caused you, if any. I'm so sorry I was obsessive about your boyfriend. I wish you all the best, and that you hold on to this precious relationship I would never have. You are beautiful, awesome and you should never think too lowly of yourself. I have been envying you ever since I knew about you, because of all the opportunities and things you have around you. I wish I had the chance to know you and be friends with you, because I know that I would love you to bits had we been friends. It might not be the same case for you, but ... Just saying.

KT, Thank you. thank you for everything. Sorry that I had been one obsessive freak to you.

As much as I hate to say this...


Ah. Look. the view count just reached '521'. It still means the same thing in Chinese.

I love you.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Stop Slouching, SIT UP STRAIGHT!

It has this shoulder-strap thing that pulls your shoulders back

Ever since I was about 11 or 12, I had a hunchback; quite a minor one, maybe because I carried all my books to school every day instead of leaving books under my desk in school like everyone else. You know how heavy schoolbags look on primary school kids. At that age, the schoolbag must have been too heavy for me, thus the hunching.

So my parents bought me this hunchback-correcting thing, something made in China. It has metal straps at the back of it, quite flexible too. You can adjust the tightness of this piece of thing at the waist when you wear it. Upon wearing it you would actually just sit up straight with your shoulders pulled back instead of slouching forward in that hunchback position of yours. It's kind of effective, I think.

Get a chance to slim your waist as well while wearing this!
So it's said that you need to wear this maybe 4 hours daily at least, and you would be cured of your hunch in about 4 months if you stick to wearing this ritually.

The thing is, I did not. I wore it maybe for a week or two consecutively, and then let it lay on my chair for the next few weeks or even months. Now I'm going on 18 years old, and I still have not been cured of my hunchback. When I shower, I feel my backbones, and I swear, I can feel a curve protruding outwards at my lower back. Not sure if it's normal but heck, I know I slouch most of the time and am therefore pretty sure about the backbone thing. I have been hunching for so long that my backbones might already have fixed its shape and all.

So now I'm trying to wear this thing once more and see if I can set my bones straight again.

It's hard to even bend to get something xD
I use my laptop a lot recently, and everyone knows that we would rarely sit straight when sitting in front of a computer or a laptop. I am making it a point to wear this thing every time I have to use my laptop. Maybe I would wear this to school although my backbone would ache from being straightened for a long time suddenly. Yes, it would hurt sometimes like how I imagine the older people would hurt, but it's manageable and I do not actually mind this pain. Anything to improve myself, really. I just need more willpower.

My back's hurting even as I type this.

Imagine you have a compressed spring as your backbone. A bent one. You straighten yourself, the spring straightens too. But the spring would tend to return to its original shape, something I suspect is the reason why my backbone hurts when I wear this. Must be, actually.

I know quite a lot of people who walk with a hunch or slouches in their stride, but I hope it's not too late a reminder to those reading this post:

Sit up straight yo. 

Commencing le Revisions!

I had only English class today. One hour. 1330 to 1430. Maths class was cancelled because the lecturer was absent today. You see this weird thing about body clock is that you refuse to wake up early on days that you need to, and on days like today when I can actually sleep in till maybe noon, I woke up a little after 9am. 

I DID, however, manage to do some revisions for Maths for about 2 hours before I went for lunch then one more hour after the class. Currently taking a short break by blogging and Facebook-ing. earlier this morning though, KT came over and explained to me that NW did not actually mean to scare me and said that it was okay to talk to her. She won't bite. Of course, I know that. But that was still a little scary.

I still managed to say hi to her though. ... Not really, more like

Probably more awkward than this.
*awkward waving* 
*whispers a soft 'hi'* 
*says under mai breath "okay I've done it see you"* 
*brisk-walk/ half-run back to my seat at le canteen*
*fast heartbeat and can no longer focus on my revision cause I talked to KT and NW on the same day within one hour and it was so exhilarating I can't believe I actually talked to them*

Something like that.

It's only upon beginning the revisions however that I realized I do not actually have the answers to the questions I was answering. There would be a topic test for Probability this Friday, you see. So I was just trying to study this chapter more. I would have been glad to have more time to study but guess what, the wedding to be held tomorrow would take up my time till maybe 11pm or so. Classes shall be done with at 4.30pm, and I would need to rush to the wedding, change my clothes and wear this 3-inches heels and all.

*Prays that I would not fall and sprain my ankle tomorrow*

It just dawned on me that the revision today would be the only revision I would be able to have before the test. This single test takes up 30% of my internal assessment marks. It's also just my luck that I'm sorta bad at this chapter.

Oh mai dearest lecturer, whai did you not provide us the answers along with the exercises given when you know that we would not have time to discuss all the questions? Had you given us the answers we would at least be able to compare our answers with yours and know if we are doing it right or not. Why, teacher, why???

My relationship with Chemistry
I might as well be done with my revisions for trials for this subject by this week, actually. It's chemistry that I really need to work on because ever since the first topic I was not able to answer most of the calculation questions.

I can tell you that I would be glad to be rid of Chemistry at last when I'm done with this MUFY course this year.


On a side note, if I keep ranting about my studies this blog won't be that fun anymore, would it? I shall rant on some other stalkerism stuff or something tomorrow. Just something that's not involved with studies. If I have the time to post. I ain't sure yo, I mean, the schedule tomorrow's kind of packed and I would really love to post something about that wedding.

We shall see, okay? We shall see.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


First things first. Due to the oncoming exams – trials on the 23rd of September and finals on the 28th of October, I might not be able to post as often as I did. Maybe a post every two days and if I am able to, I would type a post in advance and schedule it to be posted on the next day. Many apologies to my loyal readers, if any.

I do not know how to feel when I say this, but I actually have just started on my revisions for the trials. Not all subjects though, a it here and there actually. To think that Chemistry and Maths are scheduled to be tested on the same day is quite a nightmare really. Two of my weakest subjects in which I have the least confidence in to be gone through on the same day, barely hours apart.

Something that I do not have to worry about much now is my gaming. I have finally gotten it under control. Tetris Battle is a game, although fun, may be somewhat stressful at times. I have even became sort of lazy to play those Facebook games as well.

Instead, I am not kind of attached to novels and that tablet of mine, drawing every night before I go to sleep. The only assignment left now is for Moral Education, but that can actually be done in a day. I might try to finish it tomorrow morning if I actually manage to get up early enough to do so. Wednesday classes are my favourite really. Two hours, from 1330 to 1530, only Maths and English. I can wake up at 1230pm and still have time to have breakfast before I go to the campus at 1300 to have some small chat with my friends.

I hope that this little amount of socializing here is more than what I had the past few months. It would be nice to be able to talk to people casually and somehow just blend in with the others. It's a tiny dream of mine. Maybe I'm on my way there? I can only hope.

Ah, one of my cousins is getting married this Thursday and I would be in charge of this guest registration thing. That means I would have to dress nice and keep smiling at people I barely even know and ask them for signatures and accept ang paus given only to pass them to the bride and groom, of course. To be married at the age of 21 though, I simply cannot imagine.

I have strayed off-topic, haven't I?

Studies are my priorities; at least I hope it is. Hobbies aside, I do try to have more interest in my studies, but somehow the interest is fading lately due to lack of revisions and understandings. I fear that my exam results would be affected. With about 13 days left before the trials commence, I shall need to give all I have to get the best results.

Not that I want to be the best. I just want to see my hard work pay off, but if I do happen to be a top scorer and somehow end up with this mousey face of mine in the newspapers, my mum would be happy. She loves it when she can show me off to her sisters and brothers. *laughs*

If I can be as good as what the others expect of me, I would be happy, I guess. Some friends and family members of mine simply think too highly of me, expecting me to get the best in everything. You know you can't really please everyone.  The least that I can do is to prove that having a laptop and tablet and some novels in the dorm with me DOES NOT and WILL NOT affect my exam results.

It would be nice if I can have people to give me extra tutoring though, where I can ask them questions and have my questions answered instead of the other way round. Other than my lecturers, there are quite a small number of people that I can count on for now. There's not much time left anyway, and all of us are busy with our own stuff. Group studies? Somehow doesn't work much for me. Not really efficient when you end up talking and chatting with your friends with no strict regulations not to go on Facebook or blasting music while studying anyway.

Tomorrow I shall start with Maths once more. With the little remaining time before I go to sleep tonight I shall read a little of Chemistry. Wish me luck, babies.

Monday, September 09, 2013

Social Anxiety?

I am now in dilemma over which thing to do first:
Homework 1: Biology
Homework 2: Moral Education
Leisure Time: Blogging, drawing, Tetris Battle-ing.

That, or Option 4: Sit here waiting for 1730 hours to arrive and have my friends suddenly summon KT over just to see my reaction once more.

This is the bad part about letting your classmates know about your ... ex-crush or idol or whatever it is that I can call KT now. The good thing though, there's his voice I get to listen to. *laughs*

There's this deal he and I had just maybe last Friday. If I get to form a friendship and trust between NW and I, he would read me a storybook. Being his voice fanatic I jumped at the chance of course. After all, NW is a nice person to get to know. I like her already even before I actually get to know her.

However, It was not as easy as it seems.

Today, NW and KT and their friends were all sitting at a table just talking and doing homework, and I thought that I could gather enough courage to go say 'Hi' to NW when KT is gone.

Guess what though, when he's gone I was only looking at NW sitting with her friends, and wonder if it's normal for a person to just say 'Hi' to an acquaintance who's sitting with two complete strangers that I, by chance, got to know through Facebook. I know only their FB names though. I have never talked to them before.

So in the end I managed to get within maybe 2 meters near NW and then I took a sharp turn to the stairs after she glared at me. Maybe she was not glaring but I was panicking so I took it as glaring, you see. 


So, Trial 1: Failed.

I suck at communication.

On the bright side though, KT's pretty audible today. To every bright side there's a dark side, so for this case, I discovered that I'm getting increasingly scared of him the more I go all fanatic over him. It's not like he doesn't know though, just a few days ago I gave him the link to my blog and there it goes, he now knows everything that I have typed on this blog, rubbish and whatnot.

No regrets, however. With luck this might turn out to become our method of communication. (slaps myself for daydreaming. He has his own friends that are much more awesome yo)

Wish me luck in obtaining that friendship with NW.

On a side note, while I was talking on the phone with this Telekom guy, a friend of mine, CH, actually asked KT to come study with us and he...

actually agreed.

So now he might be joining us for the next few days this week.

Which means that aside from thinking about how to complete my homework, I now have to think about how to face him tomorrow and how. just HOW. can I communicate with him.

... Thank you though, CH. I get to listen to his voice more. THANK YOU YO.