Friday, January 31, 2014

Chinese New Year!!

Allow me to start my post by wishing everyone a Happy Chinese New Year. May you be blessed with a prosperous year ahead of you, health, wealth, wisdom, and all the love that you can get.

祝大家新年快乐,万事如意,心想事成,健健康康,平平安安。女生们就青春美丽,学生们学业进步。

Chinese New Year is when you arrive home late at night stinking of smoke from fireworks, fried food, burnt incense and maybe alcohol as well.

I have all but the last. I have yet to consume alcoholic drinks for this festive seasons, and probably never will. I don't quite know how to drink. The only more alcoholic beverage that I had over New Year is not quite one to start with, since it's 0.1% alcoholic Shandy. But it's okay cause at least I am allowed that little of alcohol from time to time. Better than nothing.

Mai Chinese New Year started with playing mahjong with mum and sister from midnight to 2 a.m. in the morning today. 

I have only learnt this game about two or three years ago, and yesterday I lost many games because most of the tiles I had were, let's just say, bad. Nothing you can do except to get rid of them at every round you get to do so.

It was fun, although by the end of the game I was so sleepy I thought I was going to just fall asleep right at the mahjong table. 

New Year Outfit Day 1!
In the morning, mum brought my siblings and I to the temple to pray for a good year. I who was one of the 'kai nv' or 'stepdaughter' or Guan Yin, one of the Gods, had the chance to pray to this mother of mine. It's been quite some time since I last visited a temple, and I was not that superstitious about religions; thus I had not prayed much. D:

Of course there's the usual visiting of friends and family members afterwards, and we spent our time from 4pm to 11pm at some restaurants or friends' places, stuffing ourselves and greeting relatives, answering their questions about my education and how I grew up and whatnot. Red packets, quite aplenty. 8) 

Fireworks, we played at night at one of le old friends' house. We visit them every year, if not every few months. Which explains why I can detect the stink I have on me now. So smoke. Such pollution. Much loud.

There's still many relatives on my mother's side that I have yet to visit! Dad's side is mostly done with for now, if you don't count in the far faaarrr relatives. Well, commence day 2. I'm ready for more of le celebration. 8)

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Doubts

Is this girlish enough?

With Chinese New Year barely a 2 hours away, the frantic and busy atmosphere of the festival is already in sight. Yet, all that I have in mind despite reading my novels and the normal family arguments is that idiot boyfriend of mine, if he still is.

It's been quite some time since I last felt pampered or loved. Not much time, really. Maybe just three weeks. But for a girl that is secretly really over-attached, that is more time than it should have been.

I miss our old conversations, whereas nowadays he barely replies my messages or read them at all.

Is this how girls dress lately????
I miss those times when he would spend time with me and tell me "It's okay, you're my girlfriend, so of course you are important to me :) " 

I miss the feelings when I can call him anytime I feel like it instead of how it's like now, me not daring to press the 'call' button and think twice before sending him a text, for fear that I might annoy him and make him lose interest in me all the more.

It's as if he has forgotten me. 

I'd tell him that I love him before I go to sleep every night, but about 2 weeks after he stopped replying to that, I saw no point in showing affection to a block of wood who would show me no affection in return.

I'm sad.

These past three weeks I have alternated between "Of course I am okay, I have accepted the way he treats me." and "Where is he when I need him so much?"
I'm more of THIS type of girl when it comes to
photos and whatnot. Not quite his type, maybe.

I told myself, "Maybe he's just busy." "Maybe he will tell me he loves me if I put up with this enough."

But then, maybe he really is the type of guy who loses interest in a girl some time after getting her and stop contacting her. He told me he's changed from the person I knew him to be and I chose to believe him regardless of his past.

I was close with his ex, Cindy. I saw how he treated her towards the end of their relationship. I saw how he couldn't care less about her, although from time to time he would ask me stuff about her from what he heard from his best friend.

I tried changing for him, in fashion sense if not anything else. At least to appear more girlish. Or try to be pretty. Lest he should be interested in me for a while more.

I still have hope in our relationship. I really want us to last. I am doubting, yes, but I still am hoping.

I am stubborn in relationships. I still love him. And I will, until this love turns into hate. I love deeply and stubbornly, but when betrayed I will hate to no end.

By then, dear Cavan, beware. =) <3 Don't let my love for you rot.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Chloe

One of le pictures taken with Chloe, this one taken on
31st July 2013, some time after she shifted.
Dedicating this post to one of my best friends that I just clicked with when I started my college life. First day of college, I was really timid and I spotted this girl who looked equally timid. 6th of January, 2013.

First impression: Timid.

I think she asked to sit beside me during the second or third lesson and we started talking. That's how most friendships starts. Talking.
"Hey, what's your name?"
"Chloe. Or Hui Bin. You?"
"I'm Wan Yong. Call me Turtle. or Yuki."
Introduction. The normal stuff, really. Being in that college means that I'd speak to her in Chinese sometimes and English at some other times. A few days into knowing each other, we hung out together for lunch breaks and a while after the last lectures are over.

A few days into our friendship, while I was talking to her, she suddenly looked me straight in the eyes and say, "Yuki. My name is pronounced Hui Min. Not Hui Bin."

You see. This thing about Chinese names. How you spell it in letters is different if compared to how you pronounce it in Chinese. In English her name was Hui Bin, yes, but in Chinese, it's just different. 

Just like how my "Wan Yong" is pronounced as "Wan Rong". It turns out that I have been calling her by the wrong name for several days. That moment of realization I will remember for a long time yet. *laughs*

Our first presentation in class. Me 2nd from left and her 3rd.
Date: 9th March 2013
And really, we were close for a long time after that. She did not stay in the hostel like I was, so we only spent our days in college together until the lectures ended. We helped each other in our studies, trying to understand a lesson more, and when the feared lab reports are in our way, she would help me to find to information needed as well and we would share what we found. 

The topic tests which contributed to our internal scores though. That's what brought us together even more. Back then all those Maths and Biology topic tests really never failed to make us feel down.

We tried so hard. But our results disappointed us. We were hoping that we'd get an A-grade. And some of the first few papers that were easier, we got careless.

Fries from McDonald's. With LOTS of pepper and a single
packet of salt because it's pretty much salty enough.
Papers that we could have scored 100%, we got maybe around 94%. Careless mistakes. And the next few papers. Papers we expected around 85% for, she got like 80% and I got 60% or so. I lacked sleep during that topic test, I remember very well. And then the third paper. Where she got about 78% and me I just straight out failed with a 48%. Flunked it. Flunked it bad. You get how it is. We get low scores compared to what we hoped for. Especially for Biology and Maths.

For Asians born to parents with high expectations, that is pretty darn disappointing. 

By then we already developed this 'ritual' at McDonalds. We get bad results. We head to McDonalds, grab a vanilla sundae cone, and fries. Fries, with many packets of pepper obtained at the outlet. As much pepper as we can get. And we ate our sadness away. Ice-cream and fries were our remedy. 8)

That was how we lived until some when in March, when she announced that she will be shifting to another university to pursue her studies. She wanted to advance to Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery (MBBS for short) and this university would provide a better pathway for that course. She said that she wanted to be a cardiologist.

12th April 2013: Farewell party for Chloe.
Venue: Sushi King, Jusco Tebrau.
By this time, we both revealed who we crushed on in college. Our little secret. ;3 And it was March. Shifting though she is, she took her trials paper with us. Still went through the tough Chemistry equations and Maths revisions with the rest of the class. I asked her not to go, as she was the only one that I was close to back in the first semester. I almost went along with her, because of our friendship and the possibility that I might pursue Degree in Pharmacy back then.

I stayed, and she left.

During her last few days in the college we arranged for a class photography, where two pictures of our whole class with her was taken. One was for her, and another one for a guy who shifted afterwards as well. But that guy I never really got to know. 
12th April 2013: The MUFY gang. Girl in red in middle is Chloe. The guy in brown, Melvin, shifted to Singapore.

12th April 2013. This picture was my
phone's wallpaper until 6th November 2013.
We held a small farewell party for her in a nearby shopping mall. 

We took photos. Did we watch movies? I don't remember anymore, but I believe that we did not. 

I remember some weird jokes shared while we were eating sushi. Silly jokes really, but we all cracked up all the same.

After having that lunch together and the time to bid farewell was close, she cried. It was heartbreaking to see your best friend cry, did you know that?

I missed her. And she said that she would miss us all too. I gave her a simple comic about the silly crush we had in college. Chloe, I hope you still are keeping it. In fact, keep it forever.

She was a great friend. Still is, actually. Her parents fetched me back to Sunway College afterwards. Which was actually after we browsed the shopping center and had dinner with her family. I knocked my head against the top of her car when trying to get out of it. Clumsy, but at least they laughed by le end of our outing that day. xD

19th April 2013, Freshies' Night.
She still managed to snuck in to our college for our  Freshies' Night event with students' ticket price.

Quite a number of photos were taken, as usual.

Either way, we were glad to have met again and our MUFY classmates welcomed her when she arrived. This silly girl was a little teary-eyed as the clock ticked by, the end of the college event drawing closer and closer.

She moved to another university where she stayed in its hostel. And simply because she was staying in hostel there, we did not lose contact. She made friends there, and managed to get some friends who were able to drive to bring her over to Secret Recipe which was directly outside the back gate of the Sunway College Hostel. 

RM7.50! July 31st, 2013.
That's where we hung out every Tuesday or Wednesday afterwards, from afternoon around 3.30pm right until 10.30pm or so. There was tea time offer, where we were able to get a slice of the oh-so-fancy cake and a cup of coffee for only RM7.50. 

It was kind of cheap, considering we were eating at a store meant to be expensive. We'd stay there and talk and do our homework and revisions together. After a meet-up or two, I got to know her friends from that university as well. 

We met up real frequent after that, cakes and coffee and homework. Sometimes there's just three of us, sometimes four, sometimes even more. We'd stay until we figured out that we needed actual food for dinner or when we really had to leave because Secret Recipe was closing for the day. 

So we did not actually lose contact after she shifted. To be honest I was really happy about that. =P 

BBQ DINNER. I already left when this
photo was taken. 13th July 2013
Then there were events that she held, such as when her family organized a BBQ dinner at her place and some of us visited and got FREE DELICIOUS FOOD and of course, finding this bestie of mine. Her family was pretty awesome, actually. Nice to hang out with. Cool people. 8) 

THERE WAS SO MUCH FOOD. We didn't quite manage to finish all of it, but it was fun nonetheless. The guys previously tried to break a maize into three parts with their bare hands when no knife was available. Just some random parts of the BBW dinner I remembered. xD

Ghost stories were told, talks were talked, whatever you might expect at a barbecue party with a group of friends. =) 

By semester two we met less though, because she had transport problems with coming over, and one very sad thing: Secret Recipe stopped its tea-time offer of Rm7.50. Heartbreaking, really. No more nice place to stay until 11pm.

MEEMOOORRRIIIIEEESSSS. <3
I forgot her birthday. D: I DID NOT WISH HER ON HER BIRTHDAY. But she remembered mine and made me a really nice powerpoint slideshow with pictures of our memories. SO HAPPY QmQ <3 She sent the slides to me through Facebook at 12 o'clock midnight, precisely at my birthday.

She also joined some other MUFY friends who celebrated my birthday a day earlier at the mall. This time we did go to the cinema.
2nd November 2013!
Her sister, who shared the same birth date with me, attended as well. The day was fun, as usual. 8)

THE TWO SISTERS LOOKED SO ALIKE.

Eitherway, the way she hung out with the rest of us, it was as if we never really parted in the first place.

We contacted each other from time to time afterwards, and today I finally got to visit her again and catch up on whatever we have missed during the few months. She got a 4-flat for her first semester there, best results ever, has just finished her second semester, and she has dyed her hair. 

Best thing is, she got me a small container of self-made cookies for our 1-year-friendship anniversary. AND I GOT HER NOTHING. AIN'T I A GOOD FRIEND 8'D

Arrived, greeted her parents, and went in to help her bake some stuff. I only needed to help her shape them, actually, and she put them into the oven and do the timing stuff. Some of them turned out well, some too crumbly to lift from the plate without letting it all crumble into bits. 

Finally figured out that all those fancy shapes made it difficult for the dough to get tough enough to handle. 8) Made round ones instead afterwards and it worked.

She played le piano for me, and I attempted playing songs I know on a real piano in which i failed quite terribly. She plays well enough OMO <3 Her mum prepared lunch, and afterwards, tea as well. Thank you, kind people. <3

Although to be honest I was a little startled when your father called me 'Yuki' as well like how you do. Do your whole family know me as Yuki, Chloe? *laughs* 

We had tea on the balcony her dad BUILT on the second floor. Windy. Awesome. There we talked more - we have been talking a huge lot throughout our meeting each other AHAHAH - this time about relationships and alcohol and life in general like the deep people we are. *laughs* She still contacts a few people from Sunway College, although she now has new friends in the other university. 

I went back around 6.30pm, due to some traffic causing my dad to be later than the promised time. 

Sorry I did not get you a gift for our friendship anniversary (Do other humans celebrate friendship anniversaries?? If they don't we are now speciaaallll.) but if you will, do accept this blog post as a belated gift from me, Chloe. 8) You are awesome. I still cherish my memories with you.

Needless to say, I LOVE YOU. <3 Thanks so much for all our times together and thank you more if you took the time to finish read this long script. 8) 

From,
Your Best Girl Buddy,
Turtle Yuki. XOXO

Monday, January 27, 2014

My Kindergarten Memory

Now. My sister and I went to the same kindergarten, where we had our first few doses of bad memories.The one that I went to was called 'Taska the Little Home'. It's name has now changed, and it has been a very long while since I last visited that place. I failed to find information about this place online. D:

Our headmistress, we called her Teacher Jo. There were three classes only, which are known as 'Pikachu', 'Mickey Mouse' and 'Hello Kitty'. I was in the Pikachu class.

To be honest I'm a little surprised that I still remember these details from when I was only 5 to 6 years old.

I did not quite behave like a proper girl back when I was a child. I was very rough. The kindergarten, after listening to my mum's request, allowed me to wear the boys' uniform. Shirt and shorts instead of a dark blue dress. I was the only girl that did that in my class. *laughs*

The perks of going being there especially during the break time was that there was an exclusive playground for us. The play things there were not quite like what you see in normal playgrounds though. There's these stuff:

1) My favourite. Imagine a swing. Replace the swing-pad with a long plank that allows many people to play on it at once. 

2) A slide. But with metal rungs for you to climb up. Imagine a big metal cube you can climb up on and then slide downwards.

We are focusing on the second one today. Let's call it a climbing slide.

One very fateful day during a lunch break I went to play at the climbing slide. 

I climbed up and sat at the slide, pausing perhaps several seconds too long before I went down the slide because some kid - I have no idea who he or she is even now - pushed me down the slide.

Let me tell you this. The floor was not smooth cement. It was something like the road. Rough pebbles. 

 So when I fell, I went head-first towards the ground. Had the slide been longer I might have hit the ground with greater momentum. But still, the distance was enough for me to hit my head on the ground and I experienced blacking out for the first time in my life at the age of 5 or 6. Can't remember which year exactly.

I blacked out for several seconds and sat up. 

I saw the kindergarten nurse rushing towards me. Yeah, the kindergarten was quite small, but we had a foreign nurse that helped to cook our meals and take care of us. I believe she was Indonesian.

Then the pain hit me. 

Turns out that during that short fall from the slide I earned myself one huge patch of injury under my left eye. I guess I was lucky since my eyes did not get hurt. 

The nurse pressed a pack of ice at my injuries and being the brat I was, I made a scene shouting and crying. But to justify myself it hurt more when ice was applied k.

My mum was horrified  when Teacher Jo fetched me home that afternoon. 

The next few weeks I still had scab over my face and whenever we had family vacations and we had to take photographs, I had to hide half my face behind my sister or someone else so that the injuries won't show on the photo.

It took a really long time to heal, because back then I peeled all the scabs I had on my body. =P But I'm glad to say that no scars were left on my face. 8) 

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Music, Mood and Activities

Music. Something that soothes the soul and tends to your emotions. 

It's really your choice of what to listen to when you are feeling happy or down. But I believe that there are times when certain types of music are suitable and some not, depending on what you are doing. Let's see. Based on what I know about music. Which is quite little really.

Songs

Songs, as in, those with lyrics that you can actually sing to at the karaoke. This type of music I really don't think is suitable for studying or reading, unless your brain can prevent you from writing down the lyrics to the song in your notebook or focus on trying to comprehend the lyrics and sing along to it while you are reading. Better not listen to these while you are doing something that needs FOCUS.

Awesome to listen to while you are feeling really down though. When I get upset I listen to sad songs and I curl into a human burrito and just let the sadness flow through me. My choice of songs to listen to when sad ranges from Hey Delilah to Seven Devils.

I guess it works for when you are happy as well. Listen to those happy happy songs and they make you feel hyper, maybe. I listen to Lenka's songs when happy. 8) The thing is, SONGS. LYRICS. They can give you the FEELS. Consume in healthy doses.

Instrumentals

Composed music. Piano. Violin. Guitar. Instrumentals. If you want, go include space drums and glass harps and even music boxes. Your choice. Turtle here loves listening to the celtic music provided at calmradio.com. This website provides quite a number of stations for you to listen to according to your mood and choice of music.

I find this music unbearable when I am feeling angry. I get annoyed and instrumentals make my mood worse. It is nice to listen to, however, when you are calm and waiting to fall asleep while reading or drawing on your bed. Instrumentals tend to give a soothing vibe - why they fail to cheer me up when I am angry I will never understand. Best listened to when calm. I like listening to instrumentals when I am doing housework or drawing. I'd draw dark stuff though. D:

Tune in to the right music and you feel like a happy Cinderella mopping the floor. No guarantees. Might just be my imaginations.

TECHNO

OF COURSE Techno must be mentioned. Especially Trance and Dubstep because I like these two. Electro's not bad, hardstyle I used to like but now not anymore. Other genres of electronic dance music (EDM) I have not explored much.

Techno may have its music way too repetitive, the beats and all, that may bore the listeners at some point. But you can't deny that this music is what you listen to when you are trying not to fall asleep when doing whatever you were doing. I listen to techno music when working and trying to ignore my surroundings which might have been too noisy for me. Plug in, play dubstep, ignore the world. Pretty much what I do to seek solace in my daily life. 

Dubstep, especially, it gives me the BOOST needed when I work. Speaking of which, I am not listening to any music now and I feel sort of terrible. But I'm also a bit too lazy to lift my big arse off the chair to get my earphones in my room which is possibly about 10 footsteps away.

So yes, these are the types of music that I am going to mention in this post. What kind of music do you guys listen to when you are doing certain activities? Is there a whole new type of music that you think needs to be mentioned more in the music industry? Comments are welcome!

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Dearly Departed


Daily Prompt: "Write your own eulogy."

What is this. I actually had to Google the word 'Eulogy' to see what it means.

I think it's easier to write a suicide note. D: I have never needed to give an eulogy at any funeral at all. But this sounds like something new and fun, so here goes.

We lost someone who is dear to us today, to everyone here who took your time to attend this funeral. She may not be familiar to some of you, but I have been very close to her.

I remember how she danced and sang from one end of the house to another, hugging the wall that separated her room and her sister's whenever she walked past like it was just yesterday. She would cling onto the wall and whisper sweet nothings to it as if the wall itself was a special wall that she tells her secrets to. Her best friends here today, especially you, Bunny, Crabby and you too, Farid, would know that this is just how she is. Her odd behaviours around those she's close with will be something I miss very much.

I went back home the night after the fatal incident, fully expecting to see her in front of her laptop and complaining of her back pain and slow torrent speed. But the laptop was not even switched on. Her Facebook account no longer posts regular updates. I'm sure that she wants me to take this opportunity to thank all her blog readers. *sniffs* Thank you.

Turtle had big dreams. It was a big enough dream for her. She wanted to open a quaint little shop selling plush toys and figurines that she designed and created. Her dreams did not happen, but I'm sure that had she still been alive, she would work hard for those dreams.

Cavan, I wonder how you feel about this. Up the the very last day she was still annoying me, telling me stuff about you. How did it feel like to have had a girlfriend who expected to get married to you some years later? No more over-attached girl clinging to you, whether or not you are happy about it. Although, knowing her, she might look over you for as long as she can and sneak into the bathroom when you are in it. Be careful. She will be hoping for you to get a better girlfriend who can make you happy. Live well.

She still has a lot of novels she hasn't read, doesn't she? She never got the chance to finish reading all those novels she bought. Her family members probably think of those as a real waste of money now, I believe. *smiles* Leave her room be for now, won't you? Maybe burn those books for her so that she can read them in her afterlife. Or sell them, if you guys need money that much. Those books are still so new they ought to fetch quite a good price. But just so you know, Turtle told me once that she doesn't want to books to be burnt because she was afraid that she won't receive them in her afterlife. 

I'm sure you guys all remember her obsession with bewbs and booties. May she be able to get her eyecandies where she is now, and stay happy with those doses. 

Turtle, if you are here listening, I hope that you are no longer suffering. I hope that you no longer feel pain or sadness, and rest assured knowing that although we may miss you, we will move on some day and live our lives to the fullest like what you would ask of us. As odd or normal you have been during life, you will be missed.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Festive Seasons: Chinese New Year!

Chinese New Year and le first few words that came into my mind is "Ang Pows (pocket money)", "Snacks", and "Getting Fat."

Chinese New Year in 2014 is going to be at the 31st of January. These past few days, I have been helping my mum make some home-made CNY snacks for the visitors that would visit during le occasion. 

Well, helping to make the snacks and EAT them as well, actually. *laughs* I rarely get to help my mum to cook, much less cooking on my own, so these experiences are quite fun for me. After leaving those fritters to get a little cooler after frying, I'd take one or two to taste them, and in the end, I'd finish just enough to fill half a container for those snacks. 

And end up hating myself because I really want to look slim in my CNY costumes. ... Not just in my CNY costumes. ANY OUTFITS I WEAR WHEN I GO ANYWHERE, ANYTIME, ACTUALLY. To top it off I ate ice-cream after eating those snacks which caused my throat to start itching.

During Chinese New Year, my family would go around visiting many of our relatives. Let's see. Mum has 6 siblings and dad has 3. The said siblings, some of them are already old enough and have gotten married with some of their own children as well. Even more family members to visit and greet. ... and get Ang Pows from. 8)

Chinese New Year coming soon also means that it's time to put on decorations around the house. CNY means RED, REEDDD decorations. hanging all around the house like how christmas trees decorate a house during christmas. 

The point is, days are gonna get real busy in the next few weeks. Hopefully there might not be time for blogging *sobs*

Thursday, January 23, 2014

I got skills

Daily Prompt: "If you could choose to be a master (or mistress) or any skill in the world, which skill would you pick?"

The first thing that came into my mind was, of course, designing and drawing. Being the best in this would mean that I can make quite a big sum of money while doing what I actually love. Being paid to do what you like to do would be real good. At least that's what le current 19-year-old me thinks.

But that that would be boring. I would be the best, and there won't be anyone I can look up to in terms of productivity and skills in my field. There won't be anymore challenges in what I do. 

It's the competition that actually makes us improve and learn, thus know more than we did maybe a few days ago, or a few months or even years ago. What's the fun if you already are the best and might not even improve anymore? 

Isn't it amazing what lines can do?
Credits to xaxor.com
By then, I might only be designing and drawing for money. I might lose interest. Seeing better works on Tumblr or even Google image have motivated me to draw better ever since I could remember. I'd see a picture I really like and download it into my 'Artsy - Reference' folder and look through the photos when I have no idea on what to do or draw.

I guess if really given such a choice, I will settle with communication skills. I would prefer to learn how to draw and design as I grow up and grow old. 

Communication skills would really solve a lot of my problems, you see. With communication skills I would be able to keep friends close and enemies closer, keep the bonds already present, and when I start working, I might be able to reel in business. 

It would be an interesting skill to acquire for someone who is quite an introvert. What would an introvert with good communication skills be like? 

It makes me wonder. I'm curious. 

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

I. HAVE. AWESOME. FRIENDS.

So hi guys. This is Turtle reporting from her laptop. Last night I had some friends over. Jia Ying, Ryana, Cindy, Leo and Shah had enough time to come over for a visit after their day trip to KL. It was kind of spontaneous really.

Asked me if I was home, and when I told them that yes, I was, they said that they were coming over. And they did, around 8.30pm or so. 

Introducing: Ryana, Cindy, Jia Ying (top), Shah (bottom) and Leo
It's le bunch of friends I had in college. So yes OF COURSE I was happy to have them over 8) They are good people that I love in a homo way. My brothers and my sisters, although not related by blood. I may or may not have been there for them in times of their troubles, but they were always ready to lend an ear or a shoulder to lean on when I need someone to talk to.

They are loco hoomans. 8)

Upon arriving the first thing they did was to post a status with my Facebook account. Which is really sort of typical of them. Not like I minded 8)


There was le usual room exploration "THIS IS A FRIGGIN LIBRARY" "Dan Brown's books are awesome" "What nice books are there?" "Can I borrow that comic?"

And then there was this game, if that's what you call it, of letting the Pussy stay in the air while we hit it back and forth. ... It's a plush toy, for those who didn't know. But then my box of hair accessories are out and then... In short, we started taking a whole lot of photos and even videos. In total we actually took like 73 photos. The first one that we took, I accidentally switched on video mode and so there was this 3 or 4 seconds of awkwardness where they noticed that they were in fact, not posing for a photo. That video shall not be uploaded because images would be ruined. 8)

Commence the fabulizing with many hairclips and rubber bands and sunglasses and caps and hats. And got knows what else really. Too bad my laptop has problems with the mic really, because we danced and sang to 'Baby' and afterwards, Harlem Shake. And the audio recording sucked so bad I had to download le Harlem Shake song and edit the video so that the audio is actually clear. Then it's the laptop webcam resolution that's a little too low.
One can't have everything she wants on a hand-me-down laptop, I guess. xD

The videos too must not leak into le internet. WHAT GOES ON THE INTERNET STAYS ON THE INTERNET. And all our images will be RUUUIIINNNEEDDD. A call-out here to Leo who did the Harlem Shake really enthusiastically. And Shah, for le 'Baby' song. And all the 'backstage dancers' at the background who are also very... umm... Shall I say creative. Free entertainment nonetheless.

Ryana still has classes to attend the next day, and it was getting pretty late, so they went back around 10pm or so afterwards. 

BUT GUYS. THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING OVER. You guys must have been really tired after that day trip but still you guyz visited. YOU ARE ALL AWESOME HOOMANS DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE CONVINCE YOU OTHERWISE.

I love you guys k. 8)

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

100th post!!!! + Sweet 16

STARTED FROM LE BOTTOM NAO WE'RE HERE.

100th post. Achieved on the 21st of January 2014. Blog established on the 5th of August 2013. Only after 5 months and 16 days did I reach my 100th post.

That's actually kind of slow isn't it. == I'm sorry about that.

But first of all. THANK YOU TO ALL THE READERS THAT MADE MY 100TH POST POSSIBLE. 

Thank you all who took the time to read through my posts and pointless rantings. Thank you all who supported and followed my blog and even gave me feedback on mai Facebook account.

Blogging is made awesome by having you guys. Thank you once again. 8) I shall improve and keep up on my blog's performance. 8)

Today's daily prompt: When you were 16, what did you think your life would look like? Does it look like that? Is that a good thing?

Come to think of it I don't think I have a picture of just
le ex and I alone. 
Let's see. When I was 16, I was in Form 4. New life, academically. I chose to enter science stream for my Form 5 finals, SPM. I already was aiming for the Straight A's even then, thus the efforts. Sweet 16? Like many other girls out there, I imagined having a nice boyfriend who would celebrate it with me, and feeling like I've became a girl for real. You know, not the tomboy-thing I was. My head was filled with many surreal expectations in a relationships, due to the romance-genre books I read back then.

And then there's this idiot that got into mai life
when I was 18. =)
I was upset, a little, because I thought I was going to enter arts stream when I was 16, but my parents did not allow that. I thought that I would just give up on my artsy dreams one day and stick to science forever. I also expected like a HUGE change in my life, in some aspects. Friendship, maybe. Or maybe I would change into a completely different person, whoever I already was back then.

Some of what I expected did come true. I DID get a boyfriend, on the 3rd of February 2011. I WAS happy. He DID celebrate my sweet 16 with me through a phone call. Sang me a birthday song. A boyfriend though it was, he was not PERSONALLY there, but that's only because we live a state away from each other. With sweet 16 over with, so was my first relationship. But two years later, when I turned 18, I had someone else who celebrated my birthday with me, along with one whole awesome bunch of friends who gave me a surprise birthday party. I have wrote about that before. 

I DID get straight A's one year later. I DID stick to science stream for one more year afterwards, and although I really should have taken a foundation in arts to make it easier for my degree this year, it was in this  course that I met and knew my idiot. I DID NOT expect life to turn this way, in means of getting to know what friendship is like, and what it would be like to live away from home when I moved into the hostel. Life has been better than what I expected when I was 16 so far, and I can only hope that it will get better and better.

All that happened was good. I learnt, I got hurt, I got up again, I experienced. 

I grew up. =) 

If asked to pinpoint a certain year in my life that I love the most, I must say that it's in 2013, where so many things happened in that one short year. It's a year that I can look back at and smile at, fond of the memories. 

Monday, January 20, 2014

Let it Go

I have been hearing the parody version of 'Let it Go' in my mind a lot recently, and today I have finally summoned enough balls to record myself actually singing it out loud. No, I did not record myself singing it, but this is still something. 8)

Hereby attached is the video of me singing this that parody version. However, I must admit that yes, the lyrics are taken from what's viral in Tumblr, and I did put in one extra line and I changed a word or two. My voice was kinda shaky. =P

video
Click here to watch this video in YouTube

Why all these suddenly? Let's just say that I have been feeling down for quite some time already, and I foresee worse stuff coming up. I'm still here blogging yes, but that's just a way of distracting myself for now. 

Let it go?

Can I? Am I mentally prepared enough to do this? 

It will all depend on what happens next. If possible, of course I hope I won't have to let anything go at all. Despite all that's happening I still love him after all. I'm not the type of girl that would give up on a relationship so easily. I would prefer trying to get him back, make him stay, and after some time, show him that no, it's not that tough to maintain a relationship after all. 

If only he feels the same. What is he really trying to tell me? That the relationship is over? That I don't talk to him in the way a normal girlfriend does? That we are not fit for each other?

I have no idea. I wish he would tell me. But he wants me to find out on my own. 

And God knows how long that might take. I'm a very slow person when it comes to relationships. I still need every words to be phrases in their exact meanings. I won't know if what he means behind his words is good or bad. This is where I fail as a girlfriend, maybe, other than my lack of initiatives. 

I'm sorry.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Apply Yourself

Daily Prompt: Describe your last attempt to learn something that did not come easily to you.

The first thing that occurred to me about this topic is most probably learning French.

Learning language in duolingo means starting out from le basics and going down the skill tree.
I'm currently only at the food and animals section. Slow progress.
As a Chinese raised in Malaysia, my mother tongue is Chinese, followed by English and Malay. I speak Chinese at home, and I use English and Malay when I'm outdoors with friends.

None of these languages would assign genders to objects. We simply refer them as 'it', ‘它' and 'ia' respectively. So of course, upon commencing my French course in duolingo.com, I was terribly confused when I realized that a cat is 'un chat', a male, while a letter, 'une lettre', is a female. A fish would be male, and a beer would be female. A wine, which sounds more feminine than beer, is a MALE.

Yes, I am confused. I try to keep note of objects and their specific genders in a small notebook of mine.

Subject-verb agreement is still a problem for me as well. Just the word 'eat', 'eating' or 'eats', for example. It can be mange, mangez, manges, mangeons, or mangent. 

In most tests I take for this lesson, I will either mess up the gender or the subject-verb agreement. I'm pretty much okay with the nouns.

It's been quite some time since I last went on duolingo for my lessons. Maybe I should go there again when I feel less tired like how I am today. Meanwhile, à bientôt!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Significance of DREAMS???

How's it goin', humans? 8) 

In that theme park, I'd always go for a ride on something
like this.
Le gurl here has recently been having odd dreams. From time to time I would dream of being in a place that was familiar in the dream. A theme park, usually. In that dream I would know that yes, this is the place that I went so many times when I sleep. I would know where I need to go to play something. Sometimes I would be there with my family, at times my friends, and at very rare times, with Cavan.

I don't get that dream often now. I'd feel really happy in that dream though. 

I like visiting dreammoods.com to interpret what I can about my dreams. Uh, yeah. I sorta believe in stuff like this. Don't judge me.

I have quite a valid reason to believe in them, okay? Just yesterday when my mind was really troubled about what was going on with Cavan, I dreamt that I was fainting. Cavan was there, but he didn't quite help me. Le interpretation was this:

"To dream that you are fainting suggests your inability to confront some subconscious issues or feelings. You need to be more aware and acknowledge those feelings."

I was a little shocked by this. Because yes, I WAS avoiding the truth. 

Let's talk about lucid dreaming. 

Lucid dreaming means that you can control your actions and even what you dream about. I am still unable to fully control my dreams, but recently, maybe because I was having some sleeping problems, I can control what I do and say in them. It's quite an experience. Imagine being sort of half-awake and drifting in and out of sleep like how you do in the morning when you're about to get up. 

Heck, during that time you yourself might be able to be conscious enough to know that you're doing what you want in that dream. 

The controlling of le dream gets away pretty fast still, sadly. Hoping that I can control my dreams more. Lest I can be happier in my dreams than in real life. =)


Friday, January 17, 2014

Outing!

So 16th of January 2013 was le day when I got to go out with Leo and Naomi; or as how I called them back then in this blog, KT and NW. We went to Starbucks at Jusco Tebrau to meet up, and I arrived about 1 hour earlier than I was supposed to.

Upon le arrival of KT and NW, NW and I went to buy milk to drink. For le sake of bewbs. NW also got herself something from starbucks as well. Okay, admittedly the first 20 minutes or so was sort of awkward because we weren't really saying anything much. We did take photos though. NW drew this Chinese Illuminati thing on her starbucks cup. It's like le illuminati logo, but with a squinted eyes. Cause we are all Asians and we happen to have small eyes 8)

We went to the bookstore afterwards, all 3 of us, all bibliophiles. 

Here's when we sat in le young adults bookshelf area and it was quite narrow, this section. NW sat at my left and KT sat at my right. Then they had le talk. The talk to solve all the leftover questions after a couple breaks up. I couldn't quite escape. Narrow walkway. Well I read a little from this book and that, and soon the ordeal was over and I'm glad to say that the tension between the two more or less disappeared. They soon started talking like how normal friends would.

Afterwards we left Jusco, KT wanted to get something for Vick, a schoolmate. That's how I ended up in college around 3.30pm. I went looking for Cavan, but he was having a class and I just talked to KT and NW for a while before heading to the hostel to greet Ryana, Jia Ying, Cindy and Vick. And some korean humans hanging around then.

We went for lunch. All three of us bought the same drink: coffee float, iced. I like coffee, I like ice-cream. COMBO. <3 KT and NW ate their lunch or dinner there though.

I stayed in college after that, in hopes that I get to see Cavan. Wanted to make sure that he was really okay. He was feeling really sick last night, and that made me worry for him even more. He was not feeling like himself, so he said. Our conversations are still in short sentences, made up of not more than 10 words. But if he says he's okay, I'll just believe him for now. I don't want him to get annoyed.

I did get to see him when he was going back home at 5.30pm. I saw him sitting in the front row in class. :3 Ah, he had to rush to fetch his mum though. Busy as usual, this guy of mine. Left quickly. He did give me a quick pat on mai head however. That's something. And he actually gave me a shock when he 'BOO'-ed me as he walked back to his car. Why oh why is he so cute. *Inner screaming "I need jour lurve"*

Anyway. KT, NW and I hung around le courtyard for a while more and I then decided once more to go find my hostel friends. I MISSED THEM SO MUCH. Listening to the Korean people speak Korean to one another is still quite a thrill. NW got to know Ryana and Jia Ying. Afterwards I just went home.

I got to know NW more from this meeting. She's actually okay to communicate with - not as tough as I thought it'd be. I realized that there's so much more I needed to learn about relationships and communications etc. Cavan and I may have some problems now, but I try to think positively and see this as what stress does to him. It may have been partly my fault, but if he doesn't want me to bother him for now, so be it. I'll be waiting. I still love him anyway, and thus want him to feel alright again.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Toot your horns

Today's daily prompt is to tell what I like about myself instead of what I don't like about myself. The latter is easier really, at this day and time, because I'm currently in a self-hating phase.

But let's see.

To start with, I like how I communicate with people I am close with. I can talk how I want to, they won't judge me. At least, not while I was there.

I also kinda like mai oddness. I may be odd. I may be weird. but that's what that makes me feel special when I feel low sometimes.

I like to take weird photos. Weird facial expressions, weird clothes, weird edits. whatever. I like being weirder than an average girl that would take duck-face photos and make up and take photos that would show their cleavages.

I like my ability to cover up how I feel in public. My close friends would know if I am just faking being happy, but to those that doesn't know, they are most likely to only find out when I tell them. Only le closest friends know how I feel or what happened in times of trouble. I disturb my best friends in times like this. 8)

What else do I like about myself???? *thinks*

I like that I love books. I like that I am loyal to my boyfriend. I like that I am able to draw something beautiful when I am sad or angry.

I like myself because I am fabulous.

I like me because being me means that I can sing off-tune loudly at home whenever I feel like it and I can dance le octopus dance all le way from my room to my mum wherever she is when she summons me.

Being me means saying "THAT'S IT NO MORE FRIES NO MORE CHIPS IMMA WORKOUT" and then giving up 5 push-ups later.

I like me when I am not moody. I can be a good friend to those who cares.

I like my attachment to blogging. It keeps me sane when I feel low, and I get to express myself. From time to time, I get to share my thoughts with my friends.

I like how I stayed strong throughout what little had happened to me. I was able to move on from my mistakes in my life. For that, and for being still alive and not involved in immoral activities out there, I am proud of myself.

You know what, I think I actually like myself quite some. I can be an awesome turtle if I put my heart and mind into it 8)

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Apologizing

the daily prompt is boring today D: Skipping it. 

Yesterday, my minion got upset at me because I said something wrong. When people get upset, I usually just say sorry and try talk them through, and ignore them for a bit letting time heal them. But since he's not quite replying, I can only try the latter option for now. I was never good in apologizing. I will say sorry, and tell them what I did wrong to let them know that yes, I know my mistake. I'll try not to repeat that mistake. 

It's really stressful when you don't know what to do to make someone's day better.

I'd say that I'm okay but inside I'm afraid. I feel an emptiness inside me, something heavy yet unreachable. This feeling would bug me for several days; the guilt, the sadness, the ... What feeling is this anyway? It's as if I have resigned to my fate over something. It's as if I believe that it's alright even if this idiot of mine stopped liking me. 

It's the feeling of "It's alright. It will be alright. I have never been a good girl anyway. I deserved this. Let him ignore me so I will learn what I should have."

I am the type of girl who would rarely complain or start an argument with anyone at all. Even with my ex, I may have felt sad or lonely, or maybe upset at him, but I'll let him think that I am okay, just so that he stops worrying over me and that he would not get pulled into my emotional turmoils as well.

Minion is really a good guy, he really is. I just don't know what to do. What CAN I do, when we don't get to meet? Messages are pointless when you know that your actions would be louder than words. I would not be able to express myself through words when it comes to apologizing, but rather, with my actions it's easier to show him that I really am sorry. I would ask him to forgive me.

I want him to know that despite my wrong words and actions, I really do love him. I may not express myself well, with my nervousness and all, but when I am able to take actions, I would make sure that he knows I love him. I tried calling him last night, tell him I'm sorry. He did not answer my calls.

I must have messed up pretty badly.

I don't think you will, but if you are reading this, Cavan, do know that I realized I am not a good girlfriend to you. Whereas you treated me with kindness and pleasantries, I was only able to stay constant and never stepped out of my comfort zone when communicating with you. I was too scared to ever treat you like a proper girlfriend. I did not measure up to your expectations. For this, I am really sorry. I still have a lot to learn, and I hope that you will cope with me meanwhile.

It's so unfair that such a good guy like you gets a lousy girlfriend. I won't promise that I will never make you angry again, because that would be a false promise. But that I'm sorry and I repent over my mistakes and will keep trying not to repeat that mistake, it's a genuine apology and promise. I'm sorry that I've hurt you, babe.

I'm sorry.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Some courage, please?

A photo taken maybe a few months before
we got together. Have I posted this before?
To start with I really wish that I have photos of us to display in this blog post but what photos there are, they have all been posted before.

And yes, today I'm not doing the daily prompt because if I do it, it's going to be yet another pointless thing about nothing.

The last time we actually got to meet and stay with each other for some time was probably a month ago now. Not that I'm complaining, although of course I'd love to see him and hit him more. 8) You see, although I'll keep telling myself stuff like, "Idiot. I miss you. I am so hugging you when I see you. First thing."

and then I end up pretty much ignoring him because my heart races so everytime I see him and I won't dare to do any other stuff than saying a 'Hello' or 'Hi' or nothing at all and then proceed to hit him.

In my defense it's a way to show him my affection k. Cause I just. Well okay I'm a coward when it comes to couple-ish stuff which I blame on the lack of experience. I won't dare to hug him until we have spent at least ten to twenty minutes together and there's no one else in sight. I just can't. Or maybe like my ex said, I simply didn't try hard enough. It's depressing sometimes, knowing that I have only a few minutes to see him and I would just stand there doing and saying nothing because I was nervous.

and I would then whine and complain that I didn't get to hug him. and that I miss him. It's le same cycle over and over again.

A really long quote-thing about le situation with Cavan and I.
He's a wonderful person 8)
But hey at least when I do go out with him alone I would dare to hug him and hold his hands k.

It's nice to talk to him, on the phone or just simple pointless conversations through Facebook. He can be really lazy at times, not wanting to go downstairs to get his meal or refill his water bottle, and at times like this I would wish that I have a car that I can drive so I can go to his place and take care of this lazy idiot of mine.

Remember when I told you guys I fall for voices? I didn't actually have this love-at-first-voice thing with him but I guess his voice is just yet another thing I fall for now that I'm actually with him.

If you ask me to pinpoint something that made me agree to be his girlfriend in the first place I would probably find no answer. But as he liked to say when I used to ask him why, "It's the feelings. It just feels right."

It does feel right. 

The least I can do is to make the first move sometimes. Whether it's to hold his hand out of the blue when we cross the road or when I hug him from behind when we're on the elevator or maybe bite him when he's getting too cute for me to handle. 

I like his smile, I like that idiotic way he laughs, (dat fine booty tho) I like le silly way he behaves around his friends, his fashion taste and how he bullies me at times trying to get me to tell him "I love you", how he would sound sleepy on the phone when I call him late at night but still talk to me till I go to sleep. Sometimes I'd poke him at le waist when he's yawning and stretching, and at other times he'd just threaten to bite me by the end of our 'date' (he did, once, bit mai arm but I was wearing long-sleeved =P ) He's loud, really loud, but I've been okay with that for a while now. He wears specs (I dig guys in specs). God bless dat booty and his body's perfect. He puts up with my paranoid questions and statements ( "Babe if I end up in a mental institution one day leave me k, I don't wanna be a burden to you" "Don't be silly, you won't be. You're not a burden and will never be. Don't think too much, dummy.")

Seriously what's there not to love about him? 

He's so nice to me I wonder if I actually deserve such treatments. Am I worthy? I don't even show my love to him much, because I either don't dare to or don't know how to. I'm learning. Still learning. I hope I will be good enough for him one day. He deserves a really good girl who will be able to love him, care for him, and show him lots of affection.

He's a keeper. I'm keeping him. 8) <3