Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Self-Doubt: Friendships - The Sudden End


Hey, I'm back :)

There's an exam worth 10% tomorrow and of course I'm procrastinating. It's at times when you really need to get shit done that you start doing things that seriously do not matter at that moment, you know? Your brain keeps disturbing you, whispering negative things to the motivated part of you.

And today it isn't telling me that I hate everyone. It's not telling me that everyone hates me either. Today I was just very doubtful of myself, everything I've done, everything I will be doing and most of all, what I AM doing.

I say I don't judge, but what if I did so and didn't notice it?

I say I don't mind, but what if I actually did but was just putting on a show for everyone? 

I say stupid things, regretful things that I did not really mean when my temper or noisy mind takes over, but... will the ones at the receiving end ever know that I don't mean it?

It's only when I was studying alone at night today that I realized I failed to maintain the positive relationships with my friends. 

...

I couldn't even remember the last time I went for lunch with my usual bunch of coursemates.

I kept telling myself that this is a busy semester, that we all have a lot on our hands to handle, almost too much. And partly, it's true. I have been busy for the past few weeks myself.



It's not just my current coursemates either. My previous best friends from secondary school and college, I don't quite contact them anymore either. It seems like I'm really someone who gives up easily after several attempts. I try to keep my friends close, but after some time I just got tired of being the one to initiate activities and I guess I just stopped trying after a while

... and then I discovered that they're completely okay with nothing happening too. I didn't even have to do anything. They're okay with nothing. So of course I think that I was actually being annoying - I probably am, anyway, for all I know - and I stopped trying to talk to them.

Maybe that's where it all went wrong. Maybe I was giving the wrong signal. Maybe I said something wrong and no one bothered to tell me that it wasn't the right thing to say. 

Whatever it was that sort of severed my friendships with my previous bunch of friends, I hope it's not too late to turn things around. 

I guess this whole week has been kind of a wreck for me and it got me emotional perhaps? But to all that I offended and I never knew, to all that I used to laugh and make jokes with and have lunch with everyday, 

I just want to say I'm sorry. 

I keep finding fault in others but never myself, so much that I don't even realize it anymore when I do something wrong. I guess I sorta miss the times when our friendships were very much natural. 



Maybe you guys will read this, maybe not. But yeah. While it may not appear so, I do cherish my friends a lot - I have very little of them and I do not wish to lose them, even if at times I do prefer to be alone.

I looked back at this blog today, being sentimental and all. Those memories seem so distant now, even if they were only a few months back. The number of posts about my outings with friends got less and less, and eventually it's all just about the noise in my head before I decided to just start anew at another blog altogether. 

I suppose I did foresee this problem earlier on, but chose to believe that I was merely thinking too much. I've been avoiding my problems and just made new friends instead of trying to restore the older friendships.

I may be selfish for asking this, but... help me, won't you? 

Tell me what I did wrong, tell me what I said or done that have hurt you. Be honest, please.
I really want to know. 

Friday, April 24, 2015

Mango Fashion: Sexy, Casual or Playful?

Fashion is what you buy and style is what you do with it. Whichever style that you go for, you’ll find Mango an affordable and popular option. From dresses to blouses, pants to outerwear and many other options, Mango has it all. Browse through the Mango collection and take your pick on what to wear for any occasions. Unable to make up your mind? Here’s some suggestions as to what you can consider, exclusively from Mango’s fashion line.

1. Sophisticated Sexy






Elegant and/ or sexy little black dresses in your wardrobe can never go wrong. These dresses are perfect for most occasions, be it an outfit for work, parties, a date or a girls’ night out! Mini, midi or maxi, these black dresses give you an air of sexy sophistication and it’s undeniable that the colour black has always been able to make you look slimmer. So, girl, take your pick from Mango’s wide arrays of little black dresses and flaunt it all in style with confidence .



2. Casual Chic










If you prefer to play it cool and appear more, say, ‘chillax’, Mango also has a variety of stylish casual fashion with their casual dresses, shorts, tops and cardigans to serve just that purpose. Other than being of excellent quality, casual chic style is a quick and easy style to pull off on any normal days in town or running errands on weekend. Casual fashion can never go wrong again with Mango’s collection.

3. Playful Tones





It’s Friday evening, and it’s definitely time to let your hair down. Be daring, and opt for Mango’s colourful collections and give a mood boost to your friends and yourself as you step out of the house with bright and eye-catching colours. This works perfectly if you aim to be the center of attention everywhere you go. Watch how eyes follow you as you go for dresses for a sassy approach, or a jumpsuit if you will for an elegant appearance. A casual happy-go-lucky feel can be easily achieved by wearing Mango’s shirts and pants collection.



Did I get your attention? Online shoppers, you can now get these outfits and more for the best reasonable price at Mango online fashion at ZALORA.

Happy shopping!


Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Rantings are moving to...

Hey guys,

thanks for you continuous support for my blog all this while and I would like to take this opportunity to tell you guys that I really appreciate having all you readers here with me during the past one year or so :) This blog has been running for almost 2 years now, and after about 25K site visits and 11 followers, I've decided to use Wix instead to experiment with the new blog platforms.

I will not delete this blog because despite leaving this blog I've grown fond of it over time and these stories are for me to keep and read again one day in the future.


Who knows, I might come back here some time to post other articles :)


But meanwhile, you can find me at http://fionneeverly.wix.com/fionneeverly/ whereby I'll be using the pen name Fionne Everly instead of Tatoru Yuki, and leave a message in the comment sections if anything.

Thank you once more,

Buenas noches.

Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Some Favourite Memories

Let's just say I've had my share of good and bad memories, experiences and friendships. But instead of lingering on the bad ones, today I'm going to write about the positive ones. 

*****


Going to the washroom with some girl friends, and then wash my hands and with my hands still wet, place them on the said friends' pinafore where the boobies are. D.I.Y. Body Glove. Said friend then has to exit washroom with arms over her chest while waiting for the wet handprints to dry up.

-
Exam period. Late night studies with the hostel gang. Battery running dry? TETRIS BATTLE! "I RAN OUT OF ENERGY. GUYS. SEND ME ENERGYYYYY."

-
Remember "What does the fox say?" In le car and that song was playing super loud and the few of us were making retarded sounds and singing along.

-
All the skirt flipping, boobs grabbing, bra unclasping actions going on during my time in girl school.

-
First discovering yaoi when I clicked on a Yu Yu Hakusho fanfiction video on YouTube, getting traumatized and searching for it again the next day.

-
Practicing and performing for cheerleading in secondary school, even if it turned out to be shitty. Much fun nevertheless :)

-
Trip to Singapore with coursemates in Foundation Year. We may not be together anymore, but the remaining memories from that trip is still one of those that I'll smile at when I remember them.

-
Fangirling at cosplays during my first anime convention, ANIMAX 2015. Rare moment for me to geek out in public and not being judged.

-
12th birthday party. Invited classmates and neighbours and some of siblings' classmates. Biggest birthday party ever done so far. Cakes, games, lots of gifts, birthday invitation cards.

-
Book hauls. Excitement at seeing a huge hall filled with more books than I can ever read in my whole life, and choosing just a small portion of them to bring home and arrange and display on my bookshelves.

-
Getting the second-hand electrical keyboard from my cousin. That feeling when I first learnt to play Turkish March even if it was a simpler version and I can never get the ending or speed right.

-
Running away from a senior who was teasing me when she found out I like her and eventually getting caught, a bit too roughly perhaps, because the sides of my pinafore got torn. But it's all fond memories now.

-
First hugs with the guys I liked.

-
Surprise birthday celebration during my foundation year. Cream. Lots and lots of cream. 

-
Meeting James Lee, author of Mr. Midnight. You can find the photo of him, me and my sister form like, 8 years ago at the back of 'Lady Long Neck'. First author I ever got to meet my whole life. The only one so far too.

-
Singing Japanese anime songs with my primary school besties when I was about 10 or 11. We basically memorized the lyrics and can sing for hours if the teachers did not enter the class.

*****

I hope that this blog post made you count your blessings and recall your own happy memories. Do write yours down somewhere before those memories fade! :)

Thursday, April 02, 2015

Hit it Off

It's been a really busy week, with club and societies activities, talks, workshops, jobs and some friendship issues as well.

You see, this week when I got to know lots of new people I realized that... no, it's not that my friends are not nice. It's not that I have been thinking too much - although that is partly the reason. It's not even that I hate them as I thought I did. It's just that we have little in common and thus there just wasn't much to talk or get hyped about.

I just hadn't found the people that I can get along with in university, well, until about... 3 days ago on the 29th of March after the ANIMAX Carnival event. I basically went out with Alexandria - Alex for the ANIMAX event, checking out cosplays and taking photos and all, When we were done, Alex followed me to Starbucks while waiting for her brother to reach to fetch her.

But theeennn. She informed me that another friend of hers might wanna meet her and so we waited. "He's cute," Alex commented. "But he's gay though."

Oh.

It took me a few seconds to process that. "So you're telling me that he's going to be cute and I won't be able to get him." "So you're telling me that I'll be meeting a gay dude." "So you're telling me that I might be meeting my next best friend."

Because yes, as it turns out he's one of the few guys that I could be comfortable with within the first 10 minutes of meeting and by the end of the day with a goodbye hug the three of us were already making arrangements to meet up again to talk more soon.

And Alex? I must say seeing someone aged 16 in university is not really a common thing in Malaysia, and the 4-year age gap can sometimes be forgotten and I'd make her somewhat blush or embarrassed through the sexual innuendos I throw out at both of them.

It feels a little odd for me at times because Alex is 16 and Bernard is 18 and I'm 20. The age thing. But otherwise, all is good. We get hyped about similar things and thus, well, you can call it free entertainment. Plus hey, free hugs and nice talks, who wouldn't want that?

I've taken to treating them as my younger siblings. Maybe it's instincts because of the age thing, or maybe because they're both just so adorable, be it their looks or their personality.

Damn all you tiny young adorable humans.

Let's hope this tiny friendship will linger around longer, you guys are awesome ;) <3