People think that it’s always a major conflict that leads to a couple’s break up. Granted, things like catching your spouse cheating or having your relationship turn toxic can be two of the major things leading to a break up. However, more commonly, it’s the small things that pile up and eventually, the straw breaks the camel’s back.

Just the other day, I saw a story being shared. I just did some simple rewriting based on my what I remember of it.

The girl was eating dinner with her boyfriend, when boy’s phone received a message. It was from another girl, who asked him, “Hey, can you come down and fix my computer for me? It’s acting up again. If your girlfriend doesn’t like it, it’s okay.”

The girlfriend appeared unhappy, and asked her boyfriend, “Didn’t you tell me that you were going to delete this green tea bitch from your contacts?” (green tea bitch is a slang in Chinese that refers to girls who appeals to guys by appearing weak, needing help and siding with him with sayings like, “You’re so nice, why doesn’t your girlfriend appreciate you? I know I would.”)

“You are just being dramatic now. She’s just a friend.”

“You promised me that you were going to delete her two weeks ago.”

“Well then if it bothers you so much, take my phone. Delete anyone that pisses you off! Are you happy now?”

The girl stormed off into her room, visibly upset that her boyfriend had not only gone against his promises, but also got angry at her for bringing the promise up. After a while, the boyfriend came in to apologize to her.

“I’m sorry. My temper got the better of me. I’ll delete her now, okay?” he then proceeded to delete and block the girl’s contact number in front of his girlfriend. “Come on, don’t be mad now. I’ll buy you some of the puddings that you like, okay? Let’s get some nice food.”

Her worries were resolved, and she let it slide. They were okay for the day. The day was saved.
A few days afterwards, it was their anniversary.

The girl remembered when her boyfriend apologized in advance last year.

“Babe, I’m so sorry I can’t celebrate our anniversary together this year. I couldn’t get myself out of this business trip. I’ll have to go, but I promise you that I’ll throw you a grand anniversary celebration next year, okay?”

The girl was joyful, and dressed up nicely, waiting for her boyfriend to come back from work and bring her out for their anniversary celebration.

Night falls, and even midnight passed. The boyfriend only returned home around 3AM, drunk.

“Hey babe. Why are you still up?” The boyfriend asked amidst his hiccups. “Oh right, I forgot to tell you. My colleague was celebrating his birthday and I followed. The party lasted all night after work and I got drunk so I forgot to tell you. Go sleep, I’ll join you after I’m done showering.”

He then saw that his girlfriend was still seated on the couch, not moving, her face showing that she was upset.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“It’s our anniversary.” She replied shortly.

The boyfriend then realized his mistake.

“I’m so sorry babe. I got so busy that I forgot. It’s my fault, okay? I’m stupid. I’m so, so stupid. Can I make it up to you by celebrating tomorrow? Please?”

The girl appeared a little better, but just quietly said to her boyfriend, “Fix the shelf with our pictures on it, will you? The hinges are loose.”

“Oh come on, don’t worry about that now. I’ll get to it. Now let’s focus on making you happy again okay? Go lie down and relax. I’ll treat you to a nice supper that will make you feel like a queen before we go to sleep tonight, okay?”

The day was still saved.

A week later, as the couple were strolling on the streets, a motorcycle suddenly swerved towards the couple.

The boyfriend pushed his girlfriend away from him and ran off, leaving the girl standing there in shock as the motorcycle stopped just inches away from her.

She was still in shock and disbelief when the boyfriend, having regained his composure, came back around to scold the motorcyclist.

“Hey, watch where you were going! You could have hit us! Look at what you have done, you’ve shaken her up so much. What were you going to do if you really did hit her? Can you pay? Grow a proper pair of eyes and ride safer next time for God’s sake.”

The motorcyclist apologized and went back on his way.

“See, I scolded the motorcyclist for you. It’s okay now, isn’t it? Let’s go get something nice to soothe your nerves, shall we?”

“I’m not hungry anymore. You can go and eat whatever you want. I’ll head back first.”

“Oh, is that so? Well okay, have a safe trip back. I’ll have something to eat before I go back.”

The girl went back home with even more disappointment. Her boyfriend, someone she trusted and loved so much, did not try to protect her from the oncoming threat. He ran away. He did not even try to console her even though she was still shaken from the possible accident, and only cared about his own stomach at that moment.

Still, she was alive, and the day was somewhat saved.

Cue to another week or two later, the young girl came down with a fever and was feeling unwell. She was resting in bed when her boyfriend called.

“Hey babe, what’s up?” she asked with a few small coughs.

“Oh, just calling to update on some things. You’re not feeling well?”

“No, I think I got the flu and a fever. I’m so uncomfor-"

“Drink more warm water, okay? That would be good for you. Ah by the way I’m just letting you know that I’m bringing some colleagues back after work later. You might want to clean up around the house a bit, don’t make it look too messy.”

“Babe-“

“Well I got to go now okay? I’ll see you after work.”

The girl then looked at the phone, dumbfounded. Did her boyfriend actually just asked her to do more chores when she’s not feeling well? He didn’t even care about her being sick. He only focused on his own agendas.

Still, she looked around the house. She could do some cleaning up, she supposed. She downed some paracetamol and went about her chores. When she was finally done, she sat down at the dining table and took out her favourite pudding from the fridge.

She took a sniff of herself and contemplated whether she should shower first before she sit down to enjoy her little treat.

She decided to shower first.

The moment she came out from the shower, she saw her boyfriend seated on the dining table, finishing the pudding.

“Oh hey babe, I’m back home a bit early to shower before my friends come over. I didn’t eat enough during lunch, so I’m a bit hungry. I’ll eat this first if it’s okay.”

The girl stood in the doorway in silence for a few seconds.

“Let’s break up.” She went into her room and started packing her things up.

The boyfriend stood up. “What for? Over a pudding? Are you for real? Come on, I’ll just get you like 99 more of these puddings tomorrow. What’s the big deal?”

The girl packed things that she needed and headed for the door.

“Seriously? Over a fucking pudding?”

As she closed the door, the hinges came loose on the shelf with their pictures. The picture frames smashed on the floor.

It was the pudding that broke the camel’s back. Little by little, the disappointments worn the girl off.

I like to think of these little disappointments as poison damage that you see in RPG games. The damage is usually very little, and you can always regain some health points automatically as you go. However, the health points that you automatically regain usually do not cover the poison damage fully, and in the end – Game Over.

It’s a little harder to communicate about this form of damage in relationships. If it’s the bigger issues, it’s easy to point it out. “Hey, I didn’t like that you are still talking to your ex.” Or “Hey, I hope it’s okay but I am not very comfortable with you being so close with that other friend/ colleague of yours.” Or even something that goes like, “Hey. Your alcohol issues. You need to get it sorted.”

That’s easy. It may not be 100% easy to deal with or resolve, but at least, it’s easy to get it noticed.

What about all the problems and small disappointments that the girl experienced?

“I don’t like it what you text that girl.” That’s fine.

“I don’t like it when you can’t even see how that girl is trying to make you like her.” How so?

“I don’t like it when you forget to tell me about plans that come up suddenly.” Well…

“I don’t like it when you break your promise from last year.” Uh…

“I don’t like it when you forget our anniversary.” Well, reasonable.

“I don’t like it when you acted on reflex and put your own safety before mine.” Hmmm…

“I don’t like it when you ask me to clean up the house when I’m sick.”

“I don’t like it when you don’t take good care of me.”

“I don’t like it when you help yourself to my pudding without asking first when I intended to eat it in a few minutes.”

“I don’t like it when you don’t fix the shelf like you said you would.”

“I don’t like it when you think only of yourself.”

“I don’t like it when-“

It gets harder and harder to point out, and eventually some of these might sound unreasonable. When facing these situations, do you intend to pick fights with your partner over all of these seemingly small issues? Or would you let it go and just keep the disappointment inside your heart for a bit until you finally cannot take it anymore, and end it over a pudding?

Are you receiving or causing poison damage? What are you doing about it before it gets too late?