I've almost forgotten that this blog existed. But I came back anyways, and unpublished a lot of my old posts from 2013-2017 and beyond. Let's be honest. When you look back at anything you've written 10 years ago (Holy fuck, I feel old), it's almost completely sure to be cringe material.
I still love the effort I've put into creating a nice-looking blog here. As cringe as they may be, it's still nice to look back at my old posts and remember what I've been through that my old, forgetful brain can't.
I already know that I'll be spending a lot of my time the next few days just looking back at what I've written. There's lots of memories that I've shared with the world here, and so much has happened since my last real-life update.
But we live in an era where digital footprint matters now.
I don't feel as safe sharing all that personal information for literally anyone to just stumble upon and see, even if it's just my silly day-to-day events and thoughts. There's also way too many identifying details that I think is better just kept private.
I still can't part with this blog though, so maybe I'll be sharing other types of life updates, general writing and so on. We'll see :)
It's just nice to be back.
Kind of like a little safe haven where I talk to everyone but no one at the same time, if that makes sense.
Sometimes it feels like this blog is a sounding board, just for me to pen my thoughts and process them, even if they may not amount to much.
In the years I was gone, I've earned my Bachelor's degree which I ended up not utilizing, switched jobs a couple times, got married, and found a job that's very nurturing, caring, and positive. I've learnt a lot, and there's still so much more to learn!
As far as life quality goes, I think I'm at a pretty good spot :)
I'm content -- I'm not really looking for more, no longer wondering all those what-if's that I definitely did even 3-5 years ago, and I'm just... I just am.
It doesn't mean that I'm not striving to be better or improve my life quality. It just means that I'm more capable of giving myself the love and compassion that I was not able to when I was just several years younger, back when other people's ideals of who I am mattered more than my own happiness.
Not everyone gets it, but I think it's okay as long as I know what I'm doing and I'm happy.
One of the biggest things I've learnt was self-love, really.
I had a lot to learn in terms of regulating my own emotions, separating my emotions from someone else's actions, and toned down my anxiety by leaps and bounds. I learnt not to be upset by other people's behaviours, and generally I found comfort in solitude and silence.
It IS nice to reach home and be away from big crowds, noise and all the non-stop talking. It's absolutely LOVELY to wind down and relax, even if that means just sitting on the couch in silence and reading comics while your spouse plays CS:GO.
I still socialize at work, and like every introvert adopted by their extrovert mates, my boy brings me to his social gatherings, dinners and such.
At this point, I definitely know more of his friends than he does mine, considering I don't really meet up with my friends or have many of them. In the rare few times when I do, he usually doesn't join as well, either because he's busy or just because he wanted to rest at home more -- which is fine.
Hmm... Maybe I should host another meet-up with my friends from uni or previous workplaces or something.
I do quite want to go visit the zoo and have been wanting to since the pandemic started. It's been a while. This rambling may be a good sign that it's high time I organize my own little trip to somewhere I want to go, or do something I wanted to but never really found time to.
I just need to think and plan it out... when I'm done with my work tasks at hand.
That's gonna take a while, eh?
Well, this looks about 750+ words already, I think. If you're somehow reading this, thanks for reading my ramblings, I guess?
Hopefully you'll see more rambling tomorrow, or even better, something with a little more focus than just these random talks.
In the meantime, ciaos!
