Friday, March 03, 2017

Home


When it's noisy, crowded the air suffocating; You hold my hand in yours, and in it, I am home.

When my tears are flowing, or when I smile at you, in love, my eyes searching for that same twinkle in yours, you hold me in your arms; With my head rested on your shoulder, my lips feeling the pulse on your neck, my body pressed against yours, I am home.

When I'm a little greedy, clingy, craving for your attention, I wrap my arms around your waist, and look to see what took your attention away from me on your phone when I want you so; You place your hand over mine, our fingers entwined. "What is it?" You ask. With your kind, soft voice that I never tire of hearing, I am home.

When you're down, tired, thoughts flooding your mind, you reach for me and when I am able to be the one that comforts you for a change, holding you close, my fingers running through your hair, I feel loved; I feel needed; and with your body slowly relaxing, I feel your muscle tensions going away, and you fall asleep in my arms. At that moment, I am home.

When I wake up in the middle of the night and I see you by my side, your arms still around me, I snuggle closer to you. You kiss my forehead, adjusted your position a little and is back asleep in no time at all. In your warmth, I am home.

When it's morning and we wake up together, and do the daily mundane tasks getting ready for a new day,  washing our faces, brushing our teeth, dressing up and lazing around just a little longer together before we head out, in your companionship, your unspoken affection for me, your presence,

Honey,
I am home.

Friday, June 17, 2016

Montle - Turkey

It's been a long time since I last posted here. I think that's how I have been starting most of my blog posts if any now.

This is an appreciation post for my partner the monkey.

We have been together for 10 months now, and sure, we had our arguments (was it 3, 4 or 5 of them again? I didn't really count) and times when we disagreed with each other's behaviours or ideas. We got annoyed, pissed off, said things we regretted afterwards and such, but our happy days outnumber those arguments so much that they simply seem insignificant. As we grew to understand each other better, there's less and less mistakes made and it's just feelings of contentedness when we are with each other.

P/S: I do that too and you are not really weirded-out???
Well, you know me. I'd still get excited about the fact that we are together and I would tell you, "I'm in love with you all over again." all while trying to hug you as close to me as I can. I'm that creep who listens to your heartbeat or just watch you as you sleep. I'm also that weirdo who bites you and leaves marks on you to mark my territory. I'm that over-attached stalker girlfriend who logs into your messenger account to see what's new every once in a while and scroll through your Facebook all the way to years back and Google your name to see if there's any information or old photos of you that I can find. I'm that wacko who would so easily say or do the wrong things and make you worry or get mad at, and you'd flick my forehead and call me stupid, even though you'd apologize afterwards thinking that you hurt me. I'm that fucked-up person who would randomly poke your navel, grab your butt, make you do the pig nose and oink at you or just make various machine (brr-brr-brrrrrttttt-bzzz-brrrrppptttt) noises at you.

I'm all of those and yet you would still tell me you love me unconditionally, and that you accept all that I am.

We grew up differently. If I had to compare, I'd say that you're street-smart while I'm book-smart. You taught me a lot about the working world, how my expectations should be like, how I should be more alert when I'm out (I can never notice you when you're creeping up on me). You tell me things about the society, things that I have never faced or thought about but you knew of. Things my parents did not teach me, you did, some of them at least.

You're the guy that would pull my hands away the moment I start pulling on my tummy or thigh flabs and tell me that I'm perfectly fine; I could see from so many reasons that you really mean it. You make me feel alright about myself and I want to take better care of myself because of how you envision our future together. How else can we achieve that if either of us are sickly, isn't it?

I must have told you this so many times, but you're the first guy that I have never thought "by the time this is over..." about. Even while I doubted and worry that you might leave, I never had it in mind that it is possible we will be apart someday somehow, and this sense of security with you is really pleasant to say the least.

We don't go out a lot, but you make sure that I'm having fun when we are, and even when we just meet in campus, it's still nice to know that you came over to see me for a little while before your class starts et cetera. There was once when I felt something negative - I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was, was it a nightmare? I couldn't sleep? Bad thoughts??? - and you were so tired and sleepy but you stayed up to make sure I was okay before you finally went to sleep. You have no idea how much I appreciate those gestures, and you probably never will, since you believe that things like that are just normal, to be expected.

I corrupted you within the first few months we were together. You were so innocent that I couldn't stand it and after a while your innocence was gone just like that and it never came back. That was perhaps the most impactful thing that I have ever imparted on you. We went through a lot together, the whole learning journey. Well, not just the adult knowledge part. And yet there's still so much more to learn and I can't wait to learn it all with you.

The past 10 months, good and bad, I loved it all and I'm glad that we stuck through the first few hurdles of our relationship. I look forward to our future together, just as I did and always will. I appreciate all that you are and all that you've done for us. I love you honey ^^ Happy 10th monthsary.

Tuesday, January 05, 2016

About KL Studies

Hello guys.

I totally miss this blog a lot okay. Wix seemed like a good idea until it just turned out not to be one.  There were lag issues and stuff. Well anyways I'm here today not to talk about why I came back to Blogspot but rather, since my sister's friends have approached me, I'm sharing a little bit about how I, a Johorean, fared so far studying in Selangor.


1) How's the living expenses there?

Okay first and foremost I hope you expected it to be more expensive because if you expected otherwise I'll have to disappoint you. Assuming you have your own groceries as well - biscuits, bread, some rice and a rice cooker, perhaps coffee and milk etc - and you have lunch and dinner outside, it's usually about RM5 for normal hawker centers - mamak, mix rice, fried bee hoon and the like.

You'll need perhaps around RM10-20 for your meals depending on where you go and what you eat.
So that's minimum RM300 (Really tough though) and all the way up to RM600 a month. 

If you're like me, well, I'd sometimes go for slightly more pricey food that goes up to RM18 per meal, and my expenses can go up to RM700 a month at times. There's got to be times when you want to go for movies and stuff, so yep, save a bit for that? :'D

2) Do you work?

Hell yeah I do. I take part-time that if possible, takes only the weekends with about 6 - 8 hours work time in the mornings. It's quite advisable to take up part-time jobs when you can, usually early in the semesters or in year 1. Maybe seek some online freelance writing jobs or as a research assistant in your campus if applicable. If there's a mall near you, part-timers are usually needed in shops there and private tutors are quite popular around campus areas too, if you are into that. 

Why ahh?

For extra income loh. I mean, you get a bit more than your pocket money to spend and even if you choose only to save it, it will definitely come in handy one day. Maybe your PTPTN loan arrive in your account a little late. Maybe you needed that one textbook really bad. Eitherway, you get to add something in your resume , along with working experiences and some ka-ching!

3) About scholarships

I hope you have at least picked out a field of studies you are interested in by now, or if you haven't you can always refer to education fairs and counselors to find something that's more suitable for you. Once you do, look out for any colleges or universities that provide said courses, and literally just send in your application forms everywhere until you get accepted (that's what I did). 

It's better to have backups in case your first choice of institution does not accept your application, and it might be easier to apply and get all your questions answered if you can dedicate a day or two to go to different campuses and - bring all your photocopied certs, exam results and identity card for this - apply on the spot if you are more certain about one or two particular campuses. 

Oh and one last thing - apply before any closing dates. Also, January intakes usually have a higher chance of getting scholarships, loans etc.

Good luck~!! :D

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Self-Doubt: Friendships - The Sudden End


Hey, I'm back :)

There's an exam worth 10% tomorrow and of course I'm procrastinating. It's at times when you really need to get shit done that you start doing things that seriously do not matter at that moment, you know? Your brain keeps disturbing you, whispering negative things to the motivated part of you.

And today it isn't telling me that I hate everyone. It's not telling me that everyone hates me either. Today I was just very doubtful of myself, everything I've done, everything I will be doing and most of all, what I AM doing.

I say I don't judge, but what if I did so and didn't notice it?

I say I don't mind, but what if I actually did but was just putting on a show for everyone? 

I say stupid things, regretful things that I did not really mean when my temper or noisy mind takes over, but... will the ones at the receiving end ever know that I don't mean it?

It's only when I was studying alone at night today that I realized I failed to maintain the positive relationships with my friends. 

...

I couldn't even remember the last time I went for lunch with my usual bunch of coursemates.

I kept telling myself that this is a busy semester, that we all have a lot on our hands to handle, almost too much. And partly, it's true. I have been busy for the past few weeks myself.



It's not just my current coursemates either. My previous best friends from secondary school and college, I don't quite contact them anymore either. It seems like I'm really someone who gives up easily after several attempts. I try to keep my friends close, but after some time I just got tired of being the one to initiate activities and I guess I just stopped trying after a while

... and then I discovered that they're completely okay with nothing happening too. I didn't even have to do anything. They're okay with nothing. So of course I think that I was actually being annoying - I probably am, anyway, for all I know - and I stopped trying to talk to them.

Maybe that's where it all went wrong. Maybe I was giving the wrong signal. Maybe I said something wrong and no one bothered to tell me that it wasn't the right thing to say. 

Whatever it was that sort of severed my friendships with my previous bunch of friends, I hope it's not too late to turn things around. 

I guess this whole week has been kind of a wreck for me and it got me emotional perhaps? But to all that I offended and I never knew, to all that I used to laugh and make jokes with and have lunch with everyday, 

I just want to say I'm sorry. 

I keep finding fault in others but never myself, so much that I don't even realize it anymore when I do something wrong. I guess I sorta miss the times when our friendships were very much natural. 



Maybe you guys will read this, maybe not. But yeah. While it may not appear so, I do cherish my friends a lot - I have very little of them and I do not wish to lose them, even if at times I do prefer to be alone.

I looked back at this blog today, being sentimental and all. Those memories seem so distant now, even if they were only a few months back. The number of posts about my outings with friends got less and less, and eventually it's all just about the noise in my head before I decided to just start anew at another blog altogether. 

I suppose I did foresee this problem earlier on, but chose to believe that I was merely thinking too much. I've been avoiding my problems and just made new friends instead of trying to restore the older friendships.

I may be selfish for asking this, but... help me, won't you? 

Tell me what I did wrong, tell me what I said or done that have hurt you. Be honest, please.
I really want to know. 

Friday, April 24, 2015

Mango Fashion: Sexy, Casual or Playful?

Fashion is what you buy and style is what you do with it. Whichever style that you go for, you’ll find Mango an affordable and popular option. From dresses to blouses, pants to outerwear and many other options, Mango has it all. Browse through the Mango collection and take your pick on what to wear for any occasions. Unable to make up your mind? Here’s some suggestions as to what you can consider, exclusively from Mango’s fashion line.

1. Sophisticated Sexy






Elegant and/ or sexy little black dresses in your wardrobe can never go wrong. These dresses are perfect for most occasions, be it an outfit for work, parties, a date or a girls’ night out! Mini, midi or maxi, these black dresses give you an air of sexy sophistication and it’s undeniable that the colour black has always been able to make you look slimmer. So, girl, take your pick from Mango’s wide arrays of little black dresses and flaunt it all in style with confidence .



2. Casual Chic










If you prefer to play it cool and appear more, say, ‘chillax’, Mango also has a variety of stylish casual fashion with their casual dresses, shorts, tops and cardigans to serve just that purpose. Other than being of excellent quality, casual chic style is a quick and easy style to pull off on any normal days in town or running errands on weekend. Casual fashion can never go wrong again with Mango’s collection.

3. Playful Tones





It’s Friday evening, and it’s definitely time to let your hair down. Be daring, and opt for Mango’s colourful collections and give a mood boost to your friends and yourself as you step out of the house with bright and eye-catching colours. This works perfectly if you aim to be the center of attention everywhere you go. Watch how eyes follow you as you go for dresses for a sassy approach, or a jumpsuit if you will for an elegant appearance. A casual happy-go-lucky feel can be easily achieved by wearing Mango’s shirts and pants collection.



Did I get your attention? Online shoppers, you can now get these outfits and more for the best reasonable price at Mango online fashion at ZALORA.

Happy shopping!


Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Rantings are moving to...

Hey guys,

thanks for you continuous support for my blog all this while and I would like to take this opportunity to tell you guys that I really appreciate having all you readers here with me during the past one year or so :) This blog has been running for almost 2 years now, and after about 25K site visits and 11 followers, I've decided to use Wix instead to experiment with the new blog platforms.

I will not delete this blog because despite leaving this blog I've grown fond of it over time and these stories are for me to keep and read again one day in the future.


Who knows, I might come back here some time to post other articles :)


But meanwhile, you can find me at http://fionneeverly.wix.com/fionneeverly/ whereby I'll be using the pen name Fionne Everly instead of Tatoru Yuki, and leave a message in the comment sections if anything.

Thank you once more,

Buenas noches.

Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Some Favourite Memories

Let's just say I've had my share of good and bad memories, experiences and friendships. But instead of lingering on the bad ones, today I'm going to write about the positive ones. 

*****


Going to the washroom with some girl friends, and then wash my hands and with my hands still wet, place them on the said friends' pinafore where the boobies are. D.I.Y. Body Glove. Said friend then has to exit washroom with arms over her chest while waiting for the wet handprints to dry up.

-
Exam period. Late night studies with the hostel gang. Battery running dry? TETRIS BATTLE! "I RAN OUT OF ENERGY. GUYS. SEND ME ENERGYYYYY."

-
Remember "What does the fox say?" In le car and that song was playing super loud and the few of us were making retarded sounds and singing along.

-
All the skirt flipping, boobs grabbing, bra unclasping actions going on during my time in girl school.

-
First discovering yaoi when I clicked on a Yu Yu Hakusho fanfiction video on YouTube, getting traumatized and searching for it again the next day.

-
Practicing and performing for cheerleading in secondary school, even if it turned out to be shitty. Much fun nevertheless :)

-
Trip to Singapore with coursemates in Foundation Year. We may not be together anymore, but the remaining memories from that trip is still one of those that I'll smile at when I remember them.

-
Fangirling at cosplays during my first anime convention, ANIMAX 2015. Rare moment for me to geek out in public and not being judged.

-
12th birthday party. Invited classmates and neighbours and some of siblings' classmates. Biggest birthday party ever done so far. Cakes, games, lots of gifts, birthday invitation cards.

-
Book hauls. Excitement at seeing a huge hall filled with more books than I can ever read in my whole life, and choosing just a small portion of them to bring home and arrange and display on my bookshelves.

-
Getting the second-hand electrical keyboard from my cousin. That feeling when I first learnt to play Turkish March even if it was a simpler version and I can never get the ending or speed right.

-
Running away from a senior who was teasing me when she found out I like her and eventually getting caught, a bit too roughly perhaps, because the sides of my pinafore got torn. But it's all fond memories now.

-
First hugs with the guys I liked.

-
Surprise birthday celebration during my foundation year. Cream. Lots and lots of cream. 

-
Meeting James Lee, author of Mr. Midnight. You can find the photo of him, me and my sister form like, 8 years ago at the back of 'Lady Long Neck'. First author I ever got to meet my whole life. The only one so far too.

-
Singing Japanese anime songs with my primary school besties when I was about 10 or 11. We basically memorized the lyrics and can sing for hours if the teachers did not enter the class.

*****

I hope that this blog post made you count your blessings and recall your own happy memories. Do write yours down somewhere before those memories fade! :)